Inherited trauma – lived addiction: Alcoholic, traumatised, tragedies, Prenatal trauma, addiction, therapist, psychiatrist, fear, anger, pain, suicide, illegitimate child, divorce, rehab, E-Book

Rolf Horst

• Herausgeber: tredition
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 114

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2025

Beschreibung

Olaf's father fought in the Second World War as a teenager and returned traumatised by everything he experienced. He drinks to avoid having to endure the images in his head. Olaf's mother was expelled from Silesia together with her mother and stepbrother; she is also traumatised and at some point also starts drinking. Olaf has four siblings: One brother brought by his father and one brother brought by his mother into the marriage. An older sister, who, along with he himself and his twin sister, are the shared children of their father and mother. Alcohol plays a central role throughout the family and relatives, leading to profound events, often enough with deadly outcomes.

Leseprobe

Rolf Horst

Inherited trauma – lived addiction

Olaf's father fought in the Second World War as a teenager and returned traumatised by everything he experienced. He drinks to avoid having to endure the images in his head. Olaf's mother was expelled from Silesia together with her mother and stepbrother; she is also traumatised and at some point also starts drinking.

Olaf has four siblings: One brother brought by his father and one brother brought by his mother into the marriage. An older sister, who, along with he himself and his twin sister, are the shared children of their father and mother. Alcohol plays a central role throughout the family and relatives, leading to profound events, often enough with deadly outcomes.

Rolf Horst

Inherited traumaLived addiction

Biographical story

 

The author: Rolf Horst was born in Bremen in 1960. He lives with his wife to a dog and a cat, both of whom come from animal welfare, near a small north German town. Nieke Horst, today 60, is Asperger Autist, Studied German Studies, French, Adult Education and Sport, practiced Japanese Rinzai-Zen along with the monastery in Japan for many years and, with her husband, developed her way of life of silence, simplicity and structure, which makes it possible to live on the edge of an abandoned, ignorant neurotypical society.

© 2025 Rolf Horst

ISBN Softcover:       978-3-384-64461-9ISBN Hardcover:       978-3-384-64462-6ISBN E-Book:       978-3-384-64463-3 

Printing and distribution on behalf of the author:tredition GmbH, Heinz-Beusen-Stieg 5, 22926 Ahrensburg, Germany.

The work, including its parts, is protected by copyright. The author is responsible for the content. Any utilization is not permitted without its consent. The publication and distribution are on behalf of the author to achieve under: tredition GmbH, Department "Impressumservice", Heinz-Beusen-Stieg 5, 22926 Ahrensburg, Germany.

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Table of contents

Preface      7ChapterThanks to      9

Realisation      11

Family and other tragedies      13

Prenatal trauma?      19

Changes      21

Childhood memories      25

School and other problems      31

Music      37

Tragedies of addiction      43

Olaf      65

Working environment and downtime      99

Preface

Inherited trauma? Yes, it is scientifically proven that traumatic experiences are passed down to descendants, including in subsequent generations. The same applies to addictive behaviour; if one does not confront this issue and does not process their life with the help of psychotherapists, one can repeatedly find the same behavioural patterns in family history. In every generation, there will be someone who struggles with addiction and/or trauma, without him or her knowing where the predisposition comes from. I am telling the story of Olaf, who is the only one in his family with no problem with alcohol addiction, yet his entire life is shaped by it, until the point where he starts processing his life story. But it is a long and painful journey to get there, and even more so afterwards.

Thanks to

At some point I started to listen, not only to others, but also to my inner self, my intuition, my gut feeling, the dharma, the universe, the universal force. This made it possible for me to grasp connections in the family and kinship structure and to recognise repetition patterns. This and the help of the three people listed below made it possible for me to write this book. I have these people to thank for the fact that I am still alive and able to enjoy my retirement: First of all, to my wife Nieke, who has stood by me through thick and thin for over twenty years, who has experienced and endured all the twists and turns that Dharma has prepared for us on our life journey. It has not always been easy with me, as she often recognised the signs of the times much earlier while I was still dreaming and not letting anything in.

Then I would like to thank Constanze Fierenz, my referring therapist in 2020 at the clinic at Osterbach. In the "only" three weeks of our collaboration, she initiated so much in me that no other therapeutic professional had succeeded in doing before.

Thirdly, I would like to thank Dr Karl-Heinz Hartmann, neurologist and psychiatrist from Bad Salzuflen, who was my assessor for the German Pension Insurance. Of course I was afraid of this assessment, but I can really only say good things about this doctor. He was the one who explained to me the connections between my father's war trauma, my depression and my fear of failure. The scientific realisation that traumatic experiences of parents – in this case the Second World War – have an impact on children and grandchildren**.

And before I forget: Thank you Rollo, for over fifty years of friendship. That doesn't happen very often.

**see also: Luise Reddemann "Children of War and Grandchildren of War in Psychotherapy", published by Klett-Cotta in the series "Learning to Live".

Realisation:

Fear, Anger, Pain

Sadness, Grief

Whoever sweeps everything under the carpet that disturbs him in his life, whoever avoids confrontation, should not be surprised if he suffers.

Envy, Sadn

Anger, Pain, Fear

If you can no longer hide,what is growing under the carpet,then while continuing to sweep, it will suddenly trip you up.

Family and other tragedies

Günther, father, born 1925 – experienced the Second World War as a young man – returns psychically disturbed. ALCOHOLIC – suicide 1984.

Ute, mother, born 1925 – expelled from Silesia with her mother and her half-brother Leo – born out of wedlock.ALCOHOLIC– Died of dementia and cancer in a care home

Heinz, half-brother, born 1947, son from the first marriage of Olaf's father, trained bricklayer, after the German Army time: ALCOHOLIC– Olaf has had no contact with him since 1984 – presumably deceased.

Rudi, half-brother, born 1948,illegitimate son of Olaf's mother, slightly darker skin colour as if permanently tanned,ALCOHOLIC – suicide 2015

Frieda, sister, born 1952, firstchild of Ute and Günthermarried for the fourth time, 2 daughters (twins) no contact with one of themdry alcoholic – one of her daughters also has alcohol problems

Doris, Olaf's twin sister, born in 1960, receives a stem cell donation from Olaf in 2012 because she is suffering from leukaemia for the second time, then a dry ALCOHOLIC,

but married to an ALCOHOLIC until her death from cancer in 2020

Olaf, born 1960, chain smoker from 1980 – 1982 with 100 – 120

cigarettes a day – no further disposition to

addictive substancesOlaf has a daughter, Sybille, from his first marriage, with whom he no longer has any contact.

ALCOHOLIC in of the relatives

Leo Elli Willi AnkeBrother of Sister of Cousin CousinOlaf's mother Olaf’s Father of Olaf’s MotherSuicide ca. Suicide ca. deceased deceased 1974 1990 2017Olaf's father Günther was born in 1925 and was called up for military service as a very young man. He lost his parents and his youngest brother. His two sisters lived in the same town as him and his family. His older brother was a miner and lived near Aachen.

Günther has been annoyed his entire life that he was not allowed to learn a trade because his older brother dropped out of training. And so he had done all sorts of things, mainly furniture transport, and most recently he worked as a lorry driver, delivering insulation materials across north-western Germany.

His first marriage had been dissolved because the wife had extramarital affairs with foreign sailors, as stated in the divorce decree. The little son, Heinz, was granted to the father, the mother emigrated to Sweden, the in-laws lived in the neighbourhood and were also referred to as Grandma and Grandpa by Olaf and Doris.

Heinz was born in 1947 and had completed an apprenticeship as a bricklayer after school. Olaf later recalled that although he didn't have a job, Heinz often brought him toy cars of a favourite brand and, while Olaf played on the floor, would retreat to the sofa arm in arm with Doris.

Olaf's mother, Ute, was also born in 1925 and was expelled from Silesia together with her mother and her half-brother, Uncle Leo. She had brought a son, Rudi, into the marriage. He had her maiden name and was never adopted by his stepfather. Rudi had black hair and a slightly darker complexion than the other siblings, but it was never mentioned who his father was. He was born in 1948. Ute was at home during the day and cleaned in a supermarket in the evening.Rudi was a very hard-working boy and musical. He learnt to play the drums and trained as a baker and confectioner. He delivered newspapers from an early age and then went into the bakery. He learnt to play the drums and played in a dance band in the sixties. After losing almost all his teeth through his job, he started working for a dentist as a delivery driver and then trained as a dental technician. He was very generous and was Olaf's role model for a very long time. 

Frieda was the first joint child of Ute and Günther, born in 1952. She is now married for the fourth time and has twin daughters from her third marriage. She is a trained retail saleswoman and has earned the trust of her superiors through great diligence and ambition. She was promoted and eventually became the department head from being a substitute.

Doris is the twin sister of Olaf, both born in 1960 and together in the same class for nine years. She was sent to a rehabilitation centre for six weeks as a child because she was diagnosed with chorea. This was a clear misdiagnosis, as it was not that nerve disease, maybe ADHD..

Doris was in a relationship with her first boyfriend for many years, and the two of them even built a house together. She had to give up her training as a hairdresser, as she constantly suffered from tendonitis. She then went into an office and became an accountant.

After working for several haulage companies, she later worked for a housing association until she fell ill for a long time. Olaf and Doris didn't like each other very much, which was because Olaf always had the impression that his sister was favoured by their mother. When he complained about Doris' behaviour, he was almost always punished.

Prenatal trauma?

His parents, Günther and Ute, repeatedly told Olaf that as a small child he often jumped off the chair or sofa with his mouth full, so that the food got stuck in his throat and eventually he turned blue. Fortunately, they were able to prevent anything worse by tapping him on the back. And of course nobody could explain why he did this.

It wasn't until he was in his mid-thirties that Olaf heard a story from his mother, who had gathered all her children and some grandchildren around her on her birthday. What she had to tell made everyone laugh, except Olaf. It hurt, very much, and made him infinitely sad. Even his twin sister Doris had a great time, although she was also affected.

Ute was already slightly drunk when the conversation turned to her pregnancy with the twins. Of course, we had enough children and this time twins, we just couldn't need them.

So she had climbed up on the roof of her little house a few times and jumped down to get rid of the two, which had worked before. How often, however, remained unclear. For a long time, Olaf felt no desire to visit his mother. This "entertaining" confession had affected him too deeply and unsettled him even more deep down.

Olaf only knew this house, the garden, the surroundings and even the neighbours from stories and from a few black and white pictures that his parents kept in a brown box.

He knew nothing about the fact that their father had pushed him and his twin sister Doris on the tricycle with the wooden box with the help of a pole. The grain bread that his three older siblings had hollowed out or the beatings with the air pump for his brother Heinz, who had pushed Rudi down the dyke in his confirmation suit. All old stories that didn't belong in his life.