Touch Hunger E-Book

Elisa E. Meyer

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Geisteswissenschaft
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 197

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

Touch hunger: The feeling when the skin craves touch. Just as the stomach craves food and the lungs crave air, the skin needs pleasant touch. This book is about the connection between caressing, cuddling and mental health. How does the biology behind it work? Why is touch such a taboo? What happens when there is a chronic lack of cuddling? And most importantly, what can be done about it? Cuddle therapy is being studied as a solution to some of our civilization's diseases (depression, burnout, loneliness). What does it do, and whom can it help? "Help yourself" is the best motto. That's why in this book you'll find instructions and suggestions for self-cuddling when your skin feels hungry.

Leseprobe

Elisa E. Meyer is a cuddle therapist from Leipzig, Germany. She was born in Luxembourg in 1986. She studied German language and literature, as well as philosophy in Freiburg, after which she completed her doctorate in Vienna on the work of Robert Musil and the topic of "corporeal identity". As the child of two therapists, she began exploring her own therapeutic path at an early age. She works with Reiki, family constellation, bodywork and recently with biodynamic body therapy after Boyesen. Since 2015, she has been exploring cuddle therapy in theory and practice. In 2018 she founded the company "Die Kuschel Kiste" or “Cuddle Chest” in English.

The message "I am alive" really cannot be conveyed in any other way than through the body.

I therefore emphasize again and again: Touch has the rank of food.

Dr. Martin Grunwald, "The Magic of Touch." Natur/Heilung 11/2013.

Table of contents

Introduction

Touch in between science and psychology

Touch: The white spot in research

The multitasker Oxytocin

Harry Harlow and mother love

Cuddling children: The self in construction

Touch deficiency: The unknown disease

Touch in Society

Touch: The big taboo in our society

Technology, prudery and consumerism. The unholy three.

Men in a vicious circle

Cuddle need at the brothel

General insecurity: Cuddling in times of #metoo

Healing Touch

Cuddling against diseases: Healing touch

Cuddle therapy: The new trend from the US

Loneliness – Stress – Touch deprivation

Cuddling against depression: Oxytocin as a natural antidepressant

Cuddling against pain

Cuddling in relationships: Trust and Separation

Cuddling and old age

Cuddling and trauma: Body therapy and sexual abuse

My life as a cuddle therapist

My life as a professional cuddler

What can I do that others can’t?

Confusing cuddling with sex

Substitute girlfriend: Projections in the everyday life of a cuddler

The clients

Do it yourself!

Cuddling as a meditation

Cuddle yourself

Cuddle your partner

Cuddle like animals

Cuddle positions

Category 1: How to start?

Category 2: Let go!

Category 3: Advanced

Acknowledgement

Bibliography

Introduction

Hello you! How are you doing right now? Are you sitting comfortably with my book in your hands? Are you hungry or thirsty right now? Are you feeling stressed, tense, sad, cheerful? When you touch the back of your neck, are the muscles tense? If so, don’t feel bad, and know that most people feel this way. As you read this, it's important not to completely forget that you have a body as well, not only a mind. So it's best to sit in a way that allows you to relax without letting any parts of your body go numb or tense. Pay attention to your breathing for a moment. Are you holding your breath? 90% of our day we forget our body, consumed by our thoughts or by what is happening around us, and the things that are being said. Especially in school, at university and at work we are asked to concentrate 100% on what is being said. In the long run, this ruins our body awareness. That's why it's no wonder that most people are chronically tense, suffer from a lack of touch, and develop various forms of illness.

With the book you are holding in your hands right now, at least the ignorance on the subject is over. A reason to rejoice! From now on, you can never again pretend not to know that our society suffers from a lack of touch. Yes, I am purposely phrasing this as if it were a disease. You'll learn more about that later. You will notice in every place and with many people how much they long for touch and how hostile our living conditions are to touch. So now when you hear someone complaining, you'll automatically think, "This could be a case of lack of touch." And when you stretch comfortably after extensive cuddling, you'll be aware of how the oxytocin flows through you.

At least, that's what happened to me two years ago when I started getting interested into touch. I had already read a lot of theoretical material for my doctoral thesis in German studies. At some point, I started looking at interpersonal contact not only in the novel "The Man Without Qualities," but also in real life. Thanks to Samantha Hess and other professional cuddlers from the USA, I then came across the article listing crazy professions around the world. Among them was cuddling for money. Of course, the idea seemed absurd at first and I had to laugh about it. But only for a second.

What actually is professional cuddling? It is not prostitution, it is not tantra, it is not psychotherapy, it has nothing to do with sex, it is not wellness, it has nothing to do with esotericism and spirituality. And yet, it encompasses all those other areas. Cuddling as a form of touch is the basis for all these areas. It is a superstructure, an attempt to reintegrate touch and especially connection into our everyday life. We often lose the thread and are desperately looking for it in every corner. Those who can connect with others in their lives through touch need nothing else. Unfortunately, there are many who lack that.

Who am I writing this book for? If you are interested in the social background of the rampant lack of touch, in the relevant studies on touch, you will be served with a short overview. Beyond that, you can enjoy philosophical thoughts, but also practical instructions. If you are particularly fascinated by cuddle therapy, you will find all aspects from the invention to the process, to the effects. You can read about my personal experience, what I encounter and what the difficulties can be. Whether from the perspective of a customer, a future cuddler or just for fun: there are chapters for everyone!

If one or the other topic seems very simplified to you: yes, I chose to make some aspects sweeping and not very detailed for better readability. This is especially true for the studies on tactile research. If you are interested in the details, follow the links in the footnotes and select interesting book titles from my bibliography for further reading.

Now I've been a professional cuddler for three years and I desperately need to share my findings with you. I'm glad you're interested in the topic and bought my book for that purpose.

Feel free to hug me! And don't forget to stretch, expand, feel yourself after each chapter.

Touch in between science science and psychology

Touch: The white spot in research

The sense of touch has always been the stepchild among the organs of perception. The reasons for this can be found, among other things, in the Christian religion, but also in an exaggerated tendency towards objectivity in the natural sciences. The sense of touch is very difficult to measure objectively. There is also a general suspicion that the sense of touch is dirty because it is always somehow sexual. We will come to that later. There are currently eight institutes for haptics research worldwide. Only one of them is located in Europe, more precisely in Leipzig, Germany. Here, Martin Grunwald has been taking care of the scientific basics since his career as a psychologist. For example: How much pressure can the skin register in the first place? Why do we touch ourselves in the face? How is the body image formed? Grunwald writes the following critical words:

"The sense of touch - like the senses of smell and taste - experiences an equally determined and continuous disregard and cultivated devaluation within psychology and medicine - especially in relation to the sense of sight." (Grunwald, Homo Hapticus, p. 18)

The sense of touch is actually an umbrella term for many different senses. Due to poor research, our school- and textbooks are extremely meager. But this also means that we are passing on ignorance about the sense of touch through generations. Generations that have no awareness of how their own bodies work biologically, how to practically train their own haptic abilities.

For example, do you know the sense of proprioception? That is the sense that tells us how the arm or leg is currently lying, standing or hanging in space. In general, the skin is the organ that is most likely to pick up perceptions. For example, the heat of a fire, the roar of a lion: even sounds are first perceived as vibrations by ultrasensitive hairs on the skin in the ear. This is only possible due to the infinite number of nerve endings in our skin. There are receptors with many different tasks: cold, warm, pressure, pain and many more. Here, too, not everything has been researched by far. The only thing we do know: The skin is studded with receptors, these send every touch, no matter how tiny, on to the brain, and here different reactions are triggered, for example the release of hormones.

Mothers can clearly recognize their newborn among many others by touch, even if all other senses are switched off. So, of course, vice versa: the baby immediately recognizes its mother by touch. Here also lies hidden the reason why the sense of touch is such a hyper-sense: as mammals, we are dependent on the sense of touch from the very first second. Touch is essential for survival in a human's first years, even more important than food, as the infamous studies of orphans showed. (These were "discovered" by western journalists in Romania in 1989 after the collapse of the Eastern Bloc. They were given only the bare necessities of food and medicine). Even more frightening, even when the babies were taken in by foster families, no improvement was seen in the slightly older children (>2 years old): Their bodies and mental states were irreversibly damaged by the lack of touch.

Among other things, touch triggers the release of oxytocin. This is a hormone that performs many different functions, probably many more than we currently know. It ensures that the organism calms down. Cortisol, the stress hormone, is lowered. It has an analgesic effect, supporting the immune system and growth. It establishes connection and trust. In addition, it has the psychological effect of making us feel good about ourselves, develop self-confidence, a stable personality, deal well with problems and behave nicely to our fellow human beings.

The multitasker Oxytocin

Oxytocin is a kind of miracle hormone. It's essential for cuddle therapy, so I'll give you a little overview of this endogenous healing substance here. (I'll try not to get too technical about it). Oxytocin is produced from hour zero of a human life. A baby that is touched and carried by its mother is flooded with oxytocin. There are even special nerve endings in the skin (CT nerves) that respond precisely to maternal touch - gentle, slow, warm stroking - and then signal the brain to release oxytocin.1 Mind you, this only happens when you are being touched yourself, that is, being passive in the touching process. (There is, of course, also a calming effect when actively stroking, as has also been found in studies with pets. However, the effect is not quite as strong). The hormone is rapidly distributed throughout the body. The effects are manifold. The heartbeat is calm, the metabolism works constantly. In the baby it mainly causes growth, because the body, which is calm and relaxed, can work undisturbed, as well as the immune system. When the baby is stressed, for example when it misses touch, cortisol is released. The system switches to survival and panic – growth and immune system are stopped. Then when touch resumes as a stress regulator, oxytocin is released again, and cortisol level decreases. You understand the principle.

Oxytocin doesn't just have these physical effects, though. The baby not only grows, but is also content and happy because it feels safe and cared for. Also, every single touch builds a relationship, a connection with the mother and other relatives. This is the only way the baby can learn to trust. With frequent stress, the baby loses this basic sense of security and connection and becomes traumatized. These changes also affect the brain. Later in life, it is possible to determine exactly whether a person was frequently stressed as a baby. This is because even as an adult, he or she becomes stressed more quickly in delicate situations than people who had a calmer childhood. (The ability to remain calm under stress is called resilience.) This sounds crazy and unfair, but it has been clearly established by neurologists from the stress research department, as you can read in the book of Joachim Bauer: “Body Memory”.

But that is by far not all. Oxytocin not only plays a big role for babies, but it is also released after orgasm, during birth and during breastfeeding. So oxytocin is always involved when it comes to essential human matters. In all these situations, it provides a relaxed, blissful mood (after orgasm, for example), but it can also set in motion such complex processes as uterine contraction during childbirth or milk production during breastfeeding. As I said, again, we probably hardly know the half of it.

Later in life, as adults, oxytocin has an interesting effect in connection with depression, anxiety disorder, self-esteem, social bonds and even autism. That's why cuddle therapy, where oxytocin is released, is an interesting way to deal with these conditions. There are some studies here in which different settings were played through with oxytocin nasal spray. It was found, for example, that people with the spray had a greater willingness to cooperate with fellow human beings and simply treat them nicely.2

In the last episode of our life, as old human beings, we need oxytocin to feel comfortable despite having health problems, despite fighting with depression and Alzheimer. Our cognitive abilities deteriorate, but one touch can comfort us and let us feel connected to the rest of society. And it keeps our brains healthy and active.

So oxytocin doesn't just work on infants, it actually works right up to our last breath. It affects our mood, our relationships, our social situation, basically everything we do and don't do in our lives.

1 Hakan Olausson: „Berühren Erwünscht“. 16. April 2009. In: wissenschaft.de.https://www.wissenschaft.de/umwelt-natur/beruehren-erwuenscht/

2 Tyrell, Johanna, „Ein Nasenspray gegen Fremdenhass und Geiz?“ 17. August 2017. In: Stern. https://www.stern.de/panorama/wissen/oxytocin--ein-nasenspray-gegen-fremdenfeindlichkeit-und-geiz-7580510.html

Harry Harlow and mother love

Harry Harlow was one of the first to research the connection between maternal touch and the healthy development of the baby in the 1950s. Before that, unfortunately, there was the misconception in our health care system that touch was unhealthy and therefore to be avoided at all costs. "Touch causes stress and transmits diseases," was the motto. Even for infants.

"Particularly zealous medical and behavioral scientists even argued for the complete abandonment of physical proximity. Moreover, in a society shaped by the natural sciences, a mother's turning toward the child seemed scientifically implausible and therefore dubious." (Grunwald, Homo Hapticus, p. 54)

Let us consider the first moments after birth: in this phase the human being is dependent on the mother's touch. In the womb, touch is provided by the fluid in the uterus; there is constant pressure from all sides. If the baby is suddenly born, the touch is missing, breathing works differently, everything is unfamiliar and strange. This can become a traumatic experience if contact with the mother is not established immediately. Touch is not only emotionally, but also biologically the first need and condition for a baby to survive. Otherwise, the baby's body gradually shuts down. This is known in part through research with other mammalian species.

"How immensely important this passive stimulation is, even in early infancy, is shown by various studies on animals: As soon as young rats were separated from their mothers, they immediately curbed the production of growth hormones - unless the researchers replaced the lack of maternal caresses with strokes from a wet paintbrush. If, on the other hand, tactile stimulation is completely absent for a longer period of time, neither the animal's body nor its brain continues to develop normally."3

Touch means security and trust. Safety for the body: it can develop and grow without stress. Cells divide, the immune system works well, the baby grows up healthy. Trust means psychologically: I am safe, I don't have to be afraid, someone is watching over me. This someone loves me, because he touches me gently and carefully, he takes care of me. If something goes wrong with the two factors of safety and trust, the person shows massive problems later on, if he survives at all.

Before Harry Harlow, it was common practice to separate the baby from the mother right away, swaddle it, and put it in its own crib. Notorious crying was considered a healthy response. An article in the Journal “Zeit” about the Nazi era and the child-rearing methods of that time, specifically about the child-rearing guidebook of a doctor named Johanna Haarer, describes this in detail:

""The child is fed, bathed and drained, but otherwise left completely alone," Johanna Haarer advised at the time. She described in detail physical aspects, but ignored everything psychological - and virtually warned against "monkeylike" affection: "The showering of the child with tenderness, even from third parties, can be pernicious and must become effeminate in the long run. A certain frugality in these matters is certainly appropriate to the German mother and the German child." Immediately after birth, it is advisable to isolate the child for 24 hours; instead of speaking to it in a "lappish, ball-horned child language," the mother should speak to it exclusively in "sensible German," and if it cries, one should let it cry out. This strengthens the lungs and hardens."4

The fear of infection and character effeminacy, as well as the scientific and racial ideological presumption that the baby could be cared for better than by the mother, were so great that the lives of infants were put at risk for this. Harlow was heavily criticized back in the 50's, people were outraged! One could almost think that he had overturned a world view here similar to Copernicus. I would even call this time "Harlow's turn"! Wolfgang Bergmann says about Harlow and his colleagues:

"They broke a taboo. The taboo is: A child needs love, in the first months of its life especially the love of its mother, otherwise it will become ill, mentally and physically. No, you don't do something like that, you don't talk like that in the rooms of science and certainly not those of politics."5

To this day there are still doctors who believe in the nonsense of harmful touching. The main thing for them is not to recognize they have made a mistake! Also, in the German population the conditioning sits deeply. As the article from the Zeit points out, such touch trauma can be passed on from generation to generation. This leads to transgenerational identity and relationship disorders and many other psychological problems.

Harlow, a psychologist, bred and trained rhesus monkeys in his laboratory for his social experiments. He noticed that they exhibited strange behavior. The monkeys, born in a cage and given their own cage immediately after birth to be protected from germs, were later no longer "usable" as they reacted aggressively and uncooperatively towards other monkeys. Even more, they showed depressive and catatonic behavior, some had motoric disorders. He had nevertheless apparently in the best way cared for them! (As far as he knew at the time.)

To get to the bottom of this circumstance, Harlow invented a unique experiment. He built substitute mothers for the monkey babies. He wanted to find out what exactly the babies were missing. On the one hand, he built wire mothers that had milk bottles; other mothers had fluffy fur. The result was clear: the babies definitely preferred the fluffy mother. Food was secondary. Whenever a stressful or scary situation came up, the monkeys fled back to their fluffy mothers. Most of the time, they left them only for a short time, for example, to get a quick drink. Groundbreaking results!

If Harlow hadn't caught on, babies today would still be greeted with a pat on the bottom and shipped off to a bed, screaming. Unfortunately, postpartum treatment is not the only misconception that has taken hold in our society. It also includes strollers and incubators, both relics of child rearing and research that are long outdated. Dr. Grunwald has written quite a bit about incubators for premature babies. These outdated terrariums with tubes put the premature baby in a traumatic state. After screaming its lungs out and no help arrives, it gives up altogether and either dies, or remains emotionally and physically impaired for the rest of its life. For a long time, it was common for premature babies not to be touched at all. It wasn't until Tiffany Field found out in the 90s (!!) that premature babies with massage therapy grew and recovered much faster. They could be discharged six days earlier than their untouched fellow patients. New studies are increasingly and unequivocally showing that touch tremendously increases survival, not decreases it.

Why are strollers and incubators so harmful to children? Why are we ruining the lives of entire generations with this unnatural way of life? Jean Liedloff describes this in her book "In Search of Lost Happiness." She compares our "civilized" world with the living conditions of a native American tribe: How do they treat their children and what is the result? This book is pure dynamite. It makes you concerned. One can be skeptical of the theses, but in the end she is right. We are losing our happiness. In the meantime, science has increasingly pointed out that infants need to experience the cradling gait of their mothers, i.e. that being carried is an essential part of infant development. Without this stimulation (i.e., during horizontal travel in a stroller or the absolute privation of movement in an incubator), the infant's brain cannot develop properly. Motor skills and sense of balance remain underdeveloped. This has widespread consequences as you can read in her book.

The turnaround in medicine started almost 50 years ago. The damage done until then is still having an effect nowadays. Among other things, this outdated treatment of infants is a reason for the lack of touch in our society today: the last generations were hardly touched in childhood, and passed this on to their own children, just like Harlow's rhesus monkeys, which were directly separated from their mother, and then later could not cope with their own child.

We have to live with the consequences of this upbringing. Cuddle therapy is a direct consequence of this. We are in a time of upheaval, the question is, can we move fast enough? Or will the symptoms of a dehumanized upbringing catch up with us before we can do anything about it?

3 Article "Felt Worlds" by Dr. Martin Grunwald. In: Gehirn&Geist, Magazin für Psychologie und Hirnforschung, Ausgabe 3/04.

4 Kratzer, Anne: "Why Hitler Still Influences Children's Education Today." 12. September 2018. In: Zeit Online. https://www.zeit.de/wissen/geschichte/2018-07/ns-geschichte-mutter-kind-beziehung-kindererziehung-nazizeit-adolf-hitler

5 Die Entdeckung der Mutterliebe, S. 8.

Cuddling children: The self in construction

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