Virtually Yours E-Book

Anna Bell

• Herausgeber: Bedford Square Publishers
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 447

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2026

Beschreibung

Following her best friend's passing, Chloe has been finding solace in the world through her VR headset, including going on virtual dates with the charming Blaine amongst the glittering skyline of Manhattan. Everything seems to be perfect, except for the obvious, that Blaine is just an avatar she doesn't know in the real world. As their chemistry grows, offering Chloe the escape she has been seeking, Blaine throws out the idea that Chloe should go to New York to find him. But going to New York will open more than just a search for the mysterious Blaine, as the city holds old wounds too with Chloe's ex boyfriend Jimmy now living there. The memories of Jimmy, as well as of her friend Kerry, begin to come flooding back with each step closer Chloe takes toward New York City. Deciding to go and find Blaine, Chloe finds herself reuniting with Jimmy and she is forced to ask herself the question of what it is that she really wants.

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VirtuallyYours

Anna Bell

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Acknowledgements

Also by Anna Bell

About the Author

Copyright

About the Publisher

Chapter 1

The lift doors of the Empire State Building pinged open and Manhattan in all its majestic glory was laid out in front of me. It might be a truth universally acknowledged that Paris is the city of love, but New York always made my heart beat in a way that Paris never could.

I gasped and Blaine took hold of my hand. A ripple of electricity passed round my entire body.

‘I told you this wouldn’t be cheesy,’ he said. We made our way on to the outdoor platform and looked through the latticed ironwork at the view. The city was glowing with dots of coloured lights, mostly hues of yellow and white, but there were blues and reds all flickering and twinkling. It was like watching an ever-changing sky dance in front of our eyes. Despite the lateness of the hour, the city looked more awake than ever.

‘It’s beautiful,’ I said, ‘and you’re right. It’s not cheesy. It’s breathtaking.’

There were a couple of other people in the far corner, but we pretty much had the place to ourselves. And as if the lights and the emptiness didn’t make it romantic enough, the sound of soft jazz drifted over to us from the saxophonist playing on the far side.

‘Doesn’t this just remind you of the scene in Sleepless in Seattle? When Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks finally meet at the end of the movie.’ I was trying not to swoon.

Everywhere I went in this city I found myself stepping into the set of a favourite movie.

He shook his head. ‘Never seen it.’

‘What?’ I put my hand to my chest. ‘It’s a classic.’

‘Is it? Nineties rom-com?’ There was a surprise in his voice and he almost reminded me of my best friend Kerry. She’d always been distrustful of rom-coms.

‘It’s more rom than com, to be honest. But nineties movies can be classics. I mean parts of it are a little problematic. They hadn’t met in real life and she wrote him a letter begging him to meet her because she feels this connection to him over the radio.’

‘You’re not selling it.’

‘Trust me, the ending sells itself. They’re up here alone, at night, with the City dazzling in the background.’ I was caught up in the moment. It was like being part of a delicious dream, where I could be Meg Ryan and Blaine could be my Tom Hanks.

‘I’m still not buying it. Do you know that they have a lottery where the couple that win can have their wedding here on Valentine’s Day?’ he said, looking through one of the sets of binoculars.

‘Really?’

‘Yeah. They don’t have weddings here normally, so it’s this massive thing. Now that’, he said, ‘would be romantic.’

I looked around at the view, the sound of jazz drifting round the space, trying not to get even more lost in my fantasy. It only solidified New York in my mind as a city for love.

‘You’re so lucky. Your city is magical,’ I said, its grip on my heart tightening. I took a step closer to the edge, but it disorientated me and it was too quick a movement that made me have the sensation that I was falling. Blaine put his hand out to me.

‘You all right?’ He was standing so close butterflies started to flutter in my belly.

‘Yeah, I think I’ll stay away from the edge.’

‘Are you scared of heights?’

‘Not really. Or at least I never used to be.’ Right now I seemed to be scared of everything.

‘You don’t have to worry about it today,’ he said. ‘I’m here, and I won’t let anything happen to you.’

He put his hand on top of mine and there was the familiar shudder. He took another step closer to me.

With the butterflies growing ever stronger, my already weak legs were getting more unsteady by the second. The feeling was, like meeting Blaine, so unexpected. With everything that had gone on over the last six months, meeting anyone new had been the last thing on my mind. I didn’t exactly know what was I was feeling but, unlike most things in my life at the moment, I was excited about it.

We walked around the side of the building, taking in the different views that you could see. I looked out over the Hudson in the direction of Union City in New Jersey, where I’d lived for a year in my twenties doing an internship scheme for British recent graduates. It had felt then that I’d been a stone’s throw from the city, but now it looked so far away.

That internship felt like another lifetime. All those years ago I’d travelled there alone, feeling terrified, but that evaporated the instant I’d met Kerry on the scheme and it had been one of the best years of my life.

‘This view is incredible,’ I said, not wanting to dwell on Kerry. ‘There’s something about being up here at night.’

‘It’s the lights,’ he said, pointing over to Hoboken, where we’d walked along the riverfront last week. ‘Night-time in the city always wins hands down.’

Everywhere I looked across the panoramic views there were different places that I wanted to explore again. It had been far too long since I’d set foot in New York.

‘I told you it was worth it, coming here,’ he said.

‘To see the view, or to spend time with you?’ I turned to face him.

Blaine and I had been skirting a fine line between friendship and flirting lately, and it felt like I’d definitively crossed the line.

‘I’m hoping both?’ His voice was soft.

‘Both,’ I repeated, nodding my head in confirmation. ‘It’s been fun.’

‘It always is. This backdrop helps, but I think I could hang out anywhere with you and it would be a good time.’

That tingly feeling hit me in the stomach.

‘That sounded like a line,’ he said, quickly after. ‘I didn’t mean it to be. It sounds so cheesy. I know this isn’t...’

‘A date,’ I offered, amused by how flustered he’d become.

‘Yeah, I know it’s not supposed to be, and yet.’

He let the words hang in the air. I knew exactly what he meant. What had started as a random meeting had turned into another chat, and from there a friendship, and now I didn’t know what this was. We had an ocean between us and this couldn’t work and yet...

‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be saying this, any of this,’ he said, with a shake of the head.

‘It’s okay.’ I reached my hand out to his. ‘I feel it too. It wasn’t what I came here for, but there’s something about talking to you. It’s as if I’ve—’

‘—known you for ages,’ he said. I caught my breath as he took the words out of my mouth.

For a second or two, neither of us spoke. His dark brown eyes seemed to twinkle and dazzle.

‘Is this crazy?’ I almost whispered.

‘Probably,’ he said, taking a step closer to me. ‘But I can’t remember the last time I felt like this about someone I’d only just met.’

‘Same,’ I said, closing the gap until our faces were inches apart. ‘When I’m not with you, I keep thinking about when I’m going to see you next. It’s such a cliché.’

My heart was pounding and I was struggling to catch my breath. I wanted to take his hand, to pull him in to me, to kiss him, but it was all too soon: after Jimmy, after losing Kerry. It wasn’t the right time.

He reached down and took hold of my hand, the familiar shudder radiated from my hand and tingled round my body. My wrist started to buzz and for a second I thought it was the tingles, before I realised it was my alarm going off on my phone.

‘Oh, crap. How is it that time already?’ I said, giving his hand a squeeze, before dropping it and silencing the alarm.

‘Don’t tell me you have to go? Not now. I thought you didn’t have to leave until later.’

‘It is later. I’ve got to go to bed. My sister is picking me up early for the wedding tomorrow.’

Blaine groaned. ‘Your cousin’s wedding?’

‘Andrea, yeah. I should have gone to bed hours ago.’

‘Five more minutes won’t hurt. Stay.’

I smiled. I wished I could. There was a safeness with Blaine that I didn’t feel anywhere else.

‘I can’t.’

He was pleading with his eyes. Those dark brown eyes.

‘But I’m not going to see you tomorrow.’

‘I’ll see you the day after,’ I said, trying to break the spell. ‘You can help me banish the Sunday scaries?’

‘Usual time?’

I nodded my head.

‘See you then.’

I took a last look before I swiped out of the app, and flipped up my headset, the world shrinking before my eyes. I blinked as I adjusted to the light. The same four walls that I’d spent too much time staring at came into sharper focus and it hit me in the gut like it always did when I left him.

I hated leaving the Metaverse. The pain wasn’t the same there. There, everything seemed possible. Life. Love. Blaine.

I balanced the headset on the coffee table in the grey-walled lounge, wishing that I didn’t have to come back to this as my reality.

Chapter 2

I looked around the reception and wondered if weddings had always been this overwhelming. It was a heady mix of it being a family wedding full of elderly relatives whose probing questions I wanted to avoid, and this being the first proper social engagement I’d been to in months.

‘Don’t you think it’s time to get a proper job?’ said Hilda, her nose wrinkling.

‘I have a proper job.’

I was pinned in the corner by my mum’s elderly aunts, the two of them picking over what they saw as poor life choices.

Esme snorted a little. ‘Coaches are for football. That’s the problem with you young people. I blame the parents. If they were doing their job right, people wouldn’t need to be coached out of bed.’

‘That’s not quite what I do,’ I muttered under my breath. I’d spent far too many family gatherings trying to explain to them what I did, only now I didn’t have the energy. I’d come to accept that they’d never understand why I’d left what they deemed a suitable career in HR at a big company to work for myself. And, to be honest, with the way I was struggling at the moment, I wondered if they had a point.

‘She wouldn’t need a proper job if she was with Jimmy. Such a handsome one, that one,’ said Esme, patting me on the knee.

‘So handsome. He gave me his arm in the church earlier.’ Hilda looked smug and Esme’s face flashed with jealousy. ‘Have you spoken to him yet? He’s just over there.’

I followed her pointed finger with my eyes to the far side of the room where my ex-boyfriend Jimmy was talking to a man I didn’t know.

‘Hmm, not yet,’ I said, ‘but I’m sure I’ll catch up with him later.’

‘Don’t leave it too long. I saw that girl eyeing him up earlier. The one with the legs.’

Hilda and Esme shared a look between them. They knew exactly who they were talking about, despite the description applying to the entire female congregation of the wedding.

There was a pause in the conversation and I went to stand up to excuse myself, but Hilda gripped my arm, keeping me in place.

‘Such an awful business with your friend too,’ she said, in almost a whisper.

It was a good job I was still sitting down, the unexpected mention of Kerry winded me.

‘She’s gone to a better place.’ Esme rested her hand on my other arm.

All I could do was nod.

‘Hello, everyone,’ said my sister Nina, swooping over.

‘Ah, Nina. Where’s that husband and beautiful baby?’ Hilda relinquished her grip from my arm.

‘Harry’s gone to change Oliver. I’m sure they’ll be down later. In the meantime, we’re going to borrow this one. If that’s okay?’

Nina outstretched her hand and I took it gladly.

‘Oh yes, make sure she talks to Jimmy,’ said Esme.

‘Or that other handsome one. What was his name?’

‘Gavin,’ swooned Esme.

‘Gavin,’ nodded Hilda in agreement.

The two women gave contented sighs and Nina dragged me away.

‘Thank you for rescuing me,’ I said as we weaved our way through the crowd trying not to get stuck with any other relatives.

‘You’re welcome. They mean well,’ Nina said with a sympathetic shrug.

‘They do.’ I felt guilty. I usually loved speaking to them, but at the moment I didn’t want to speak to anyone.

‘So did you want to talk to Jimmy?’ She raised an eyebrow and I gave her a gentle nudge.

‘I couldn’t tell them to piss off, but you I can.’

She laughed. ‘He looks good in his suit.’

‘Nina,’ I chided.

‘Okay, Chloe Cat, I’ll drop it.’ She deposited her empty glass on a table and picked up another from a passing waiter. ‘I still can’t get over how lovely that ceremony was.’

‘It was beautiful.’

‘Andrea looked stunning.’

‘Of course she did.’

‘And it was romantic,’ she said, clutching her hand to her chest. ‘Oh, there’s Suz from the hen do,’ she said, pointing over to the other side of the room. ‘Do you want to come and meet her? She was such fun.’

‘I’m fine, you go.’

My sister had done an excellent job extracting me from my great-aunts, but I could do with a minute or two by myself. She looked reluctant, but I shooed her away.

I headed towards the large patio doors of the room that looked firmly shut. What were forecast to be light showers were in fact buckets of pelting rain. I’d heard the wedding plans enough to know that if the weather had played ball, we’d have been stood out on the terrace now, basking in the glow of the late afternoon sun. But looking outside at the dark overcast sky it looked more like a November afternoon rather than June.

I spotted my ex-boyfriend Jimmy. He was still deep in conversation with the stranger. A wave of sadness washed over me. We’d met not long before Andrea and Henry got engaged, and talk of today had been such a big part of our relationship. We’d even booked a room together for tonight when they had announced the date. The universe must have been laughing at us, a fledgling couple booking a hotel nine months in advance. We were so full of optimism that our relationship would last. I’d even booked flights to New York to visit him whilst he was working there over the summer. As if the expense of now having to pay for the fancy country hotel room by myself wasn’t bad enough, I also had non-refundable flights to New York that I wasn’t going to use.

Jimmy must have caught me staring at him and he raised his hand. I raised mine back and tried a half-hearted smile. I caught sight of Hilda and Esme in the corner watching us like hawks and I turned away.

‘There she is,’ said Marianne, making her bridesmaid dress swish as she came to a halt in front of me. ‘Long time no see.’

She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me in for a hug.

‘You look gorgeous,’ I said. ‘Being a bridesmaid suits you.’

‘Why, thank you. Do you know it’s my first time being one and, honestly, I don’t love it. I seem to be spending an inordinate amount of time wedged in a toilet cubicle holding Andrea’s dress up.’

‘It’s a fabulous dress, though,’ I said, watching the bride across the room almost knock into someone as she went to talk to them.

‘It is, but I just wish she’d gone for one of those numbers that had a skirt you could zip off for a slinky evening version. I think I’m going to be black and blue from all the wedging tomorrow.’

Marianne was my cousin Andrea’s best friend. The two of them were like chalk and cheese in terms of personality, but the one thing they had in common was the speed at which they talked and verbalised their internal thought process.

‘But enough of my moaning. How are you? I saw Jimmy earlier.’

I rolled my lips together. There was a familiar pattern emerging at this wedding.

‘Did you? I haven’t spoken to him yet.’

‘Are things that bad?’ She leaned in a little closer, as if she was settling in for gossip.

‘No, we’re fine. I’m sure we’ll chat later on. There are just so many people here.’

‘I know. Who knew they knew so many people? Have you met Tom’s hot cousin yet? Gavin?’

‘I don’t think so.’

‘Don’t tell me he’s not your type.’ She looked taken a back. ‘He would be everyone’s type.’

‘I’m not interested.’

‘Chloe, even I’m interested,’ she said with a look of disbelief. ‘And I’m very happily married. I should see if I could move some of the seating round for dinner. Andrea would kill me, but it would be worth it.’

‘There’s no need,’ I said, fixing a firm look on my face.

‘Maybe a little fling would be just what the doctor ordered. Get you out of that house a bit.’

‘I go out. I’m here, aren’t I?’ I gestured round the room.

‘Yeah, but only because Andrea would have killed you if you hadn’t been. You’ve not been to any of our meet-ups or the hen do.’

‘I’ve been busy.’

‘Kerry wouldn’t have wanted to see you like this.’

My stomach sank. She was right. Kerry wouldn’t have wanted to see me like this, but that didn’t make it any easier to snap out of it.

‘I’m fine. Honestly. I’ve been hanging out with someone.’

‘Like a man, someone?’ she said, her jaw dropping and her eyes widening.

‘He is a man,’ I said, swiping a glass from a passing waiter and taking the tiniest of sips. ‘But it’s not like that. It’s just a friendship.’

I didn’t want to tell her that I thought it had the potential to be something more.

‘You’ve practically been a hermit. Did you meet him online?’

‘Kind of.’ I went to run my hands through my hair, forgetting that Nina had sprayed it with hair spray, and my fingers got sticky.

‘I need to hear everything.’

‘And you will when there’s something to tell,’ I said, wiping my hands on my skirt. I didn’t want her probing about Blaine so I made a shameless attempt at a change of subject. ‘Where’s Betty, is she here?’

‘No, Jamie’s mum said she’d have her for the night. She told us to let our hair down but, if I’m honest, I’m counting down the hours until I can go to bed. I’m exhausted,’ she said, stifling a yawn. ‘Betty didn’t sleep at all last night, or any night, and everyone’s trying to have proper adult conversations and I’ve got to think of clever and witty things to say.’

I might not have a small child, but I understood the pain of small talk when you weren’t in the right place.

‘It’s great you’re having a night off, though. How old is she now, eighteen months?’

‘She’ll be two in September.’

‘No!’ Time was racing by.

‘Do you want to see photos?’

She dug into her tiny purse and pulled out her phone. She talked me through the milestones Betty was hitting and I watched how Marianne’s facial expression morphed into one of pride.

‘So cute.’

‘Takes after her mum,’ she said, with a little laugh.

‘Naturally,’ I agreed.

She slipped her phone away and squeezed my hand.

‘It’s nice to see you. I’ve missed hanging out,’ she said.

‘I know. I’d been meaning to call you. I was thinking that it’s almost time for the autumn training programme.’

Marianne took a step back and looked around the room. ‘Yes. We’re still fine-tuning some details.’

She avoided eye contact as she smoothed out the skirt of her dress, despite the fact that it was intentionally pleated.

‘Well, it would be great to get the dates in the diary, you know, so I can keep them free.’

There was nothing worse as a freelancer than when your big clients’ schedules clashed.

‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Um, we should set up a coffee and talk about it.’

She was going to town on the smoothing of her dress and the hairs on the back of my arms started to stand up. Perhaps the worst thing about being a freelancer wasn’t a schedule clash, but that one of my biggest clients wasn’t going to book me at all.

‘I’ve been working on some new workshop ideas,’ I said, the nerves in my voice evident.

She looked up at me again, and patted me on the arm like my elderly aunts. ‘We’ll go for that coffee.’

A sense of dread washed over me. I’d steadily built up my business with a fair few individual clients, but the big bill-payer was the corporate clients where I delivered regular sessions, like the big multinational company Marianne worked for. She’d got me a gig at her work four years ago, and I’d been delivering sessions there ever since.

‘Should I—’

I didn’t get a chance to finish the sentence as Andrea came up and practically barged into Marianne.

‘Don’t tell me you need to pee again,’ said Marianne, ‘or else I’m going to insist you only drink shots from now on.’

‘No, I’m all good,’ said Andrea, ‘I just came to see this one.’

She leaned over and gave me a squeeze, which was almost impossible, given the full skirt of her dress.

‘Thank goodness,’ said Marianne, looking grateful for the interruption. ‘I’ll leave you to it.’

I watched her scuttle away before I turned back to Andrea.

‘You look amazing,’ I said, trying not to think about the conversation with Marianne. Andrea gave a quick swish of the dress.

‘Thank you. I love your skirt. So are you having a good time? I’m worried that people aren’t having a good time. Have you had enough to drink? I kept telling them to circulate more drinks.’

I rested my hand on her arm to slow her racing thoughts. ‘I am sufficiently hydrated and having fun.’

She visibly relaxed. ‘I didn’t expect this all to be so stressful.’

‘Have you had enough to drink? That’s the question.’

‘I’m waiting until after my speech. I’m going to get emotional as it is. Wine would only make it worse,’ she said, grabbing at my hand and giving me a squeeze. ‘I’m so glad you came.’

‘Me too.’

She squeezed harder, and there they were, the unspoken words.

‘And look, here’s Jimmy.’ She grabbed hold of his wrist as he walked past. ‘Have you seen Chloe yet?’

‘Ah, only to wave at. Hey you, you okay?’ he said, putting his hands into his trouser pockets.

‘Yeah, fine. You?’

‘Good, thanks.’

Andrea looked between the two of us and, when neither of us spoke, she tapped us both on the shoulder. ‘I’m going to leave you to it.’

I’m not sure if she deliberately pushed Jimmy into me with her big dress, but he stumbled a little closer, looking embarrassed.

‘You holding up okay?’ he asked.

‘Yeah,’ I said, lying.

‘You still have a terrible poker face.’

I smiled.

‘It’s just a few hours. I can get through it.’

‘I’m sure you will. And you’re looking... well.’

‘Now who’s got the bad poker face?’

He laughed. ‘Still you. You’ve done something different to your hair.’

‘It’s called not having it cut for eight months. It’s almost a rewilding experience, although it’s not working out so well with the humidity.’

‘Yeah, the rain’s a right pain in the arse.’

‘Isn’t it just?’

There was a pause. I looked around the room and made eye contact with my mum and Andrea’s mum – my Aunty Sue. Their eyes were glued on us and I knew if I looked the other way Hilda and Esme would be doing the same.

‘How’s New York?’ I asked, trying not to think of all the prying eyes.

‘Pretty great. Work’s a bit crazy, but that’s to be expected.’

‘Nice,’ I said, trying not to get too jealous or to dwell on the fact that, if things had been different, I was supposed to be going to visit him. Not for the whole of his secondment, but I’d booked flights for a two-week trip.

‘Jimmy!’ said a man slapping him on the back and holding his hand out for him to shake.

‘Colin,’ he said, shaking his hand.

‘Mate. What’s all this I hear about you living in New York and dating some twenty-year-old?’

I felt like I’d been punched in the gut.

‘Oh,’ said Jimmy. He looked between me and Colin. ‘I’m just in New York on a secondment and, um, I’m not dating... she’s not twenty.’

He kept looking between the two of us. Eventually Colin’s eyes fell on me and it took him a moment or two to focus.

‘Ah, you’re the ex, aren’t you? Kelly?’

‘Chloe,’ I said.

‘Right, gotcha. I, um,’ he said. ‘I’m going to go get another drink. Jimmy, I’ll catch you later.’

He winked as he slapped him on the back again.

‘Sorry about him. I didn’t mean... I didn’t want this to be awkward.’

‘No, no,’ I said, trying to plant a smile on my face. ‘It’s fine. We’ve not been together for a good while. I would have expected you to have moved on.’

He held my gaze before he nodded.

‘I haven’t really. You know. It’s New York. Everyone’s on apps and it’s uncomplicated.’

I tried not to read into it that he was comparing it with our relationship, which had become too complicated to survive almost overnight.

I couldn’t blame him for choosing something easier. What I was doing with Blaine was the same. Uncomplicated. Almost unreal.

‘It’s fine. We don’t have to talk about it.’

‘Thank God,’ he muttered. ‘What were we talking about before he came over?’

‘New York and how you were loving it.’

‘Oh, yeah. It would be hard not to. Did you manage to get any of your money back on your flights?’

‘No, but I’d booked the cheapest option.’

I’d been so excited booking the flights. New York had always owned a bit of my heart since I’d done my internship there.

‘Seems a shame to waste them. If you change your mind. I meant what I said about us staying friends.’

I thought of my time with Blaine. The more time I spent exploring New York with him, the more the city was getting under my skin. I shook the thought away.

‘I’m sure we can hang out when you’re back here.’

‘Yeah,’ he said, his hands back in his pockets. ‘I’m not sure if I’m coming back any time soon. My boss out there, he was kind of talking about making the secondment longer.’

My stomach sank. I don’t know whether it was because I was jealous that he got to stay in the city that I loved so much or because we wouldn’t get to hang out as friends.

‘Oh, that’s great,’ I said, trying to sound enthusiastic. ‘You must be doing really well.’

‘Yeah, I guess.’

I took a sip of my drink. Everyone was moving on and it only served to remind me of how I felt like I’d ground to a halt.

‘Are you, um... are you still talking to Kerry?’ he raised an eyebrow.

‘Sometimes. Not as often.’ My voice has gone quiet. He was the only person that knew I was doing that.

‘And what about the counsellor, have you been back to see her?’

My skin started to prickle. There was something weird about him knowing me better than anyone in the room and yet at the same time he felt like a complete stranger.

‘We don’t have to talk about this,’ I said, going to sip my drink, only to find my glass empty.

‘Of course, I’m sorry, Chlo. It’s probably the last thing you want to be talking about. What we really should be discussing is the hat-off going on between your mum and Andrea’s.’

My heart ached and I smiled. Somehow it felt just as intimate a topic. If we’d been here together, that’s exactly what we would have been discussing.

‘Clearly, my mum thought she was the de facto mother of the bride.’

‘Clearly. I just don’t know how they haven’t poked anyone’s eyes out with the feathers.’

I almost choked on a laugh.

There was a large clang of a bell and the wedding planner over the other side of the room announced it was time for dinner.

‘About time,’ said Jimmy. ‘I have had way too many of these drinks on an empty stomach. It was lovely to chat. Maybe see you on the dance floor later?’

‘With your dance moves?’ I said, trying to force a smile. In truth, I was hoping to sneak back to my room before the dancing got started.

‘Yeah, you’re probably right. Perhaps I’ll see you at the bar.’

‘Yeah,’ I said, raising a hand as he headed off towards the dining-room doors.

I hung back, enjoying the quiet moment and taking a few deep breaths.

‘Ah, Chloe,’ said Andrea. I took a step back so I didn’t get whacked. ‘I need to go to the toilet before dinner starts and I can’t for the life of me see Marianne anywhere. Would you mind?’

‘Not at all,’ I said, genuinely happy to help.

Despite the ordeal of the cubicle squishing that Marianne had described, it was preferable to having to sit at the table, enduring more looks of pity.

‘Thanks so much. You see, you didn’t escape the bridesmaid duties after all.’

I smiled weakly back. I tried not to think about how today could have been so different. I could have been messaging Kerry photos of me in my grape-coloured dress and trying to sneak off with Jimmy to our room.

I scrunched my eyes shut. This is why I increasingly wanted to spend time in the Metaverse. There was something so easy and safe about being there, escaping into a bubble where I couldn’t get hurt, without the constant reminders of what my life was missing.

Chapter 3

I went to take a step, but I faltered. I shook my head. Even here, I was hesitant.

‘Come on,’ said Blaine, his voice gentle. ‘I won’t let you fall, Cat.’

I wondered if it was time to tell him my real name, but there was something appealing about being someone totally different on here. My avatar was already a glossier version of me, surely my name could be too?

He held his hand out and I took it. I felt the tingle in my palm and it rippled around my body. It might be haptic touch, but I liked to think the tingles he caused were real. He led me to the edge of the tower and he leaned up against the ledge of the unglazed window.

‘Wow. This view.’ I hadn’t been prepared for it to take my breath away. Maybe it was him. Maybe it was the moment that we’d found ourselves in.

‘See. I told you.’ His hands were on his hips and there was a smug smile on his face. I might not know him well, but I knew he liked to be right. And with this, he was most definitely.

‘Surely it isn’t like this in real life?’

This place seemed almost magical and I couldn’t quite believe it could exist in New York.

‘It is. You’ll have to look it up,’ he said. ‘And I told you it was impressive.’

Getting my balance, I leaned out over the brick and looked out towards the Hudson. ‘It’s like someone’s ripped up an Italian palazzo and dumped in the middle of the park.’

‘I know, right?’

I’d never heard of the Met Cloisters, and I couldn’t get my head round how I hadn’t. We’d already explored the herb garden at the centre that reminded me of countless cloister gardens I’d seen at European cathedrals, and we’d toured the art-lined walls.

‘It’s perfect.’

‘Yeah,’ he said. There was a sadness to his voice at moments like this, and I got it. It was as if, no matter how happy I was, I knew that those moments would always be tinged with sadness.

It’s one of the reasons that I liked hanging out with Blaine in the early days, before things became what they are now. Both of us seemed to be escaping from something. He understood me.

We wandered down the stone corridors, stopping every so often to marvel at a stained-glass window or an altar piece.

‘Have you been to Italy?’ I asked.

There were still chasms in our knowledge of each other. There was something exciting and equally terrifying about the unknown.

‘I have,’ he said. ‘A couple of times. I’d go back in a heartbeat for the food.’

‘Little Italy doesn’t cut it?’

He laughed. ‘Not even close. Those thin pizzas where you can taste the tomato and basil.’

‘Stop, you’re making me hungry.’

‘I’m making myself hungry.’

‘I’m sure you can get good pizza there.’

‘Yeah, but it’s not the same, is it? There’s something about being down a backstreet in Naples or on a hillside in Sorrento on a summer’s evening. The view of the sea.’

‘The smell of the lemon groves. The dappled moonlight on the water. You’re making it sound like something out of a romance novel.’

He laughed even harder.

‘You can’t beat the romance of Italy.’

‘I don’t know. This New York doesn’t seem so bad.’

‘This New York,’ said Blaine, reaching out and touching the wall, but his hand clearly couldn’t make contact. ‘It isn’t real. But the real one, absolutely.’

‘Where would you go for a date, a real one that is?’

‘I like to think all the places I’ve taken you so far. The cherry-blossom walk, the Edge, the path at Hoboken.’

I thought of the cherry-blossom walk at Roosevelt Island he’d taken me on last Sunday after Andrea and Henry’s wedding. It had been the perfect relaxing activity after the social overwhelm of the day before.

‘That’s cheating. New places only.’

‘Oh, okay. Let’s think. Um, okay. Well, I guess we’d meet at Grand Central. Under the clock, as if you’re going for all-out romance, that would tick the box. We’d look up at the painted starry sky and then we’d head to the Oyster Bar for a quick glass of champagne and oysters. Do you like oysters?’

‘Depends how they’re done. Go on.’

‘Okay. Well, we’d have Oysters Rockefeller, as, once you’ve had them that way, you’ll never want them another way. Then we’d head down Fifth Avenue, perhaps go up to a rooftop bar for a cocktail on the way. We’d have worked up a bit of an appetite on the walk, so we’d head to Eataly and pick up some gelato.’

‘Now you’re talking,’ I said, with a sudden craving for it. ‘Then what?’

‘Perhaps a walk through Washington Square Park, a game of chess.’

‘Chess?’ I spluttered. ‘Not quite sure chess screams romance.’

‘Come on, there’s got to be that competitive element somewhere. So a game of chess. Gennari’s is nearby, we could grab a hero.’

‘I have never understood why New Yorkers call a sandwich a hero.’

‘Um, because that’s what they’re called? And a sandwich is what a burger is in.’

I held up my hand. ‘Let’s quit whilst we’re ahead.’

‘Good idea. So we’d get a hero, maybe after we’d head to Ghost Donkey for tequila.’

‘I can’t do tequila,’ I shuddered. Like many people, I’d had too many bad experiences with it.

‘You think you can’t, but I can guarantee this place would change your mind.’

I sighed. ‘You’re making me want to actually come to New York.’

‘You should do.’ The excitement in his voice was palpable. ‘I can play tour guide for real.’

‘You’re the second person in as many weeks trying to get me to visit. When I was at the wedding last week, one of my friends who’s working out there was trying to get me to go.’

‘See, it’s a sign.’

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him about the flights I already had booked. But who was I kidding? It had been a week since I’d been to Andrea’s wedding and I was still recovering from the shock of having to be around that many people.

‘Imagine us hanging out like this, but for real.’

I sighed again. ‘It wouldn’t be the same, though. It’s like when you watch Love Is Blind and they all get on so well in the pods, but then, when they go out in the real world and life happens around them, it rarely works out.’

‘Shocking that people dating on a reality-TV programme who, let’s face it, were picked by producers, didn’t make it. But, you know, I didn’t have you down as such a cynic.’

‘I didn’t use to be.’

‘It’s a good job you’re not in New York. Those blind-dating apps are a thing at the moment.’

‘Yeah? You had any luck on them?’ We were straying into dangerous territory. We’d never really talked much about our dating life outside of here. Not that I had any dating life outside of here, but I didn’t really want to hear about his.

‘I think this is the best blind-dating I’ve ever done.’

‘Nicely sidestepped. I hear everyone in New York is on apps.’

‘It’s true. Eight million people and you can’t meet one.’

‘Eight million,’ I repeated in wonder. New York was one of those places that seemed so small but, at the same time, infinite.

Blaine was quiet for a moment. We’d walked down the end of a corridor and he turned to face me.

‘I wish you would come,’ he said. His tone had changed. Perhaps the first time it had been a flippant comment, but this time there was a sincerity to his voice.

My mind was racing.

‘But I like how things are here. What if we met and it all fizzled out?’

‘And what if we met and it didn’t?’

My alarm was buzzing. I’d started to hate the noise and the vibration on my arm, but it was getting late. Meeting mid-week after we’d both been at work meant that it was creeping into my sleeping time.

‘I have to go. I’m about to turn into a pumpkin. I’ve got a meeting tomorrow.’

‘I wish you didn’t have to.’

‘I wish I didn’t either. See you Friday?’

‘Sure. The usual? Thought we could head to Coney Island. Have you been?’

I thought of Kerry and my heart constricted.

‘I’d love to go,’ I said, not so much lying as avoiding the question.

The whole point of being here is that he didn’t have to know the real me. He didn’t need to know that I’d visited the real Coney Island with Kerry the year we’d lived there. Or that we’d eaten funnel cakes and drunk ice-cold beers, making our way around the amusements.

‘That’s settled then.’ He held out his palm. I took it and we squeezed each other’s hand. ‘You promise you’ll consider meeting up one day?’

‘I’ll think about it,’ I said, with one last squeeze of the hand I swiped out. I sat down on my sofa, taking a moment. Thoughts swirling round my mind. I wondered if I would ever be brave enough to meet him in person.

Chapter 4

‘Try and think it over. What is one of your best attributes that could be seen as a flaw?’

My client, Kiran looked straight ahead at the screen and then shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, Chloe, I just can’t get my head round this. Can you give me an example?’

I hesitated. Usually I tried to keep the session focused solely on a client, but we’d been talking about this for a little while and it wasn’t clicking with him.

‘I’m a people pleaser, and I have boundless enthusiasm,’ I said, trying to muster the energy to at least make it sound like it could be possible.

I felt like a charlatan. Those personality traits might have been true once upon a time but, as much as I tried to channel that positivity, it didn’t come naturally any more. I tried to plant a smile on my face, the type that used to be effortless, only now my cheeks ached. It all felt wrong.

Kiran was staring straight ahead, unmoving. I hoped that the Zoom connection hadn’t frozen and I’d have to lie my way through that again.

‘I don’t understand why they’re flaws,’ said Kiran. He had a marker pen in his hand and he kept opening and closing the lid, the lid snapping shut each time with a click. If I had the enthusiasm that I claimed I did, I’d be asking him about that lid snapping, exploring why he needed to distract himself, but I’m struggling to keep this session going as it is without taking us off on a tangent.

‘It’s interesting to consider how things that are your strengths might also be your weakness too.’

It isn’t the done thing in coaching to use your own life as an example, but today would have been a perfect illustration of my people pleasing being a flaw. I was supposed to be on my way to meet Marianne for coffee, not having a last-minute coaching session with one of my clients, but Kiran was in a tricky spot. His start-up tech company was in the early stages of being bought out by a huge tech giant and he’d wanted extra sessions, and I didn’t want to say no. Although, if I was being honest, today’s session wasn’t only about people pleasing, but also to do with the fact that Kiran was one of the biggest clients I still had left and I couldn’t afford to lose him.

‘Okay, I get that being a people pleaser can be a weakness, but how could being enthusiastic be one? Surely being enthusiastic and positive is kind of fundamental to what you do?’

It was true, they were cornerstones of being an executive coach, but right now I only felt like I was masquerading as one.

I nodded. ‘Yeah, it is. But believe it or not, not everyone likes it when you’re peppy all the time. But let’s not get too hung up on me. I’m still waiting to hear yours.’

I was quick to change the subject. Lingering on my enthusiasm only made me think of Kerry. I’d always thought that my people pleasing was my worst habit until Kerry had called me out on my enthusiasm when I was trying to make the best of a crappy night out.

‘You, Chloe, are always too upbeat,’ she’d said, drink in one hand, the other gesticulating wildly. ‘It’s like your greatest asset and your greatest curse.’

‘Why’s it a curse?’

‘Because some of us around you are happy wallowing and being miserable, and the constant pep is draining.’

Kerry was an either/or type of drinker, she either loved everyone or she hated everything. The trouble was you never knew which one you’d get.

‘Oh, my God, I love it,’ I said, clapping my hands together, trying to gloss over her pessimism. ‘That’s so perfect for when I do “greatest assets are greatest flaw”. Too enthusiastic.’

Kerry shook her head at me. ‘You see, even when someone’s trying to tell you you’re a giant pain in the bum, you’re seeing the positive in it.’

‘And that’s why you love me.’

‘Yeah, but you make it bloody difficult.’

I could see her lips twitching. It was the closest to a smile that she’d got all night and it was all I’d needed to know that there was still hope for me to salvage that night, and that I’d be able to pull her out of her low mood.

The memory punched me in the gut, hitting differently after everything that had happened.

Kiran had started to flip his pen, as if the faster he was flipping the faster his mind was whirring. I needed to think of more ways to coax the answer out of him, but my mind that used to buzz and fizz in sessions was blank.

‘I’ve got one,’ he said, and I silently sighed with relief. ‘My worst good flaw is that I have too many brilliant ideas.’

‘Nice.’ And so modest, I bit my lip. Kiran was one of my favourite clients. He was an entrepreneur that had had moderate success so far with different tech start-ups, but he believed he was destined for bigger things. His delusions of grandeur were not one of his negative flaws. I actually believed him. If he could just put all his energy into his work and focus, he was going to make it big. Maybe it was me that had delusions of grandeur, as I believed that I’d be able to use my skills to get him there. ‘And,’ I said, with a pause, ‘having too many ideas is a problem for you because...’

I left the sentence hanging in the air, an eyebrow raised in expectation, wanting him to connect the dots, and hoping the screen didn’t freeze, as it was not a flattering pose.

‘Because I don’t see an idea through before I’m on to the next one.’

‘Okay,’ I said. The old me probably would have been screaming ‘Bingo!’ in my mind. Where did the old me get her energy from? ‘That sounds like you need to focus on one idea at a time. How does that sound?’

‘Impossible,’ he laughed, and I cracked a smile too. ‘New ideas are always so much better.’

‘The grass is always greener on the other side, but it’s not. Your brain tries to seduce you because it’s hard work to stick with one idea and see it through.’

He wrinkled up his face. ‘But that’s just who I am.’

I pursed my lips together. I needed him to make his own break-through with this. I was worried I was going to start losing him and I couldn’t afford that, either figuratively or literally. I couldn’t think what to say. The weight of worry and fear that I wasn’t up to this any more was starting to bring me down. That familiar feeling of suffocation and hopelessness started to rage in my mind.

‘I’m an enthusiastic person.’ I startled myself by saying it out loud when all I was trying to do was calm my intrusive thoughts.

‘Yeah,’ said Kiran, nodding his head. ‘I get that.’ He wasn’t really looking at me, or noticing the signs that some of my other clients had. The dark circles under my eyes. The hollow, empty look that I caught a glimpse of in the mirror. ‘I’m thinking how can I work with having more ideas in the projects I’m already working on?’

He sounded unsure, but he was right on the money and it was enough for me to leap on.

‘Let’s look at that. How do you think you could incorporate that skill into your project lifecycle?’

He stopped spinning the pen and put it down.

‘I guess that it’s a good evaluation tool. Seeing if there are ideas that could make the project even better.’

‘That sounds like a great way to reflect and improve.’

‘You know,’ he said, giving a little laugh, ‘I nearly came here today wanting to talk to you about working on this idea I had for a new neurotherapy platform using a wearable device, but you’re right, stick to this project.’

‘So that brings us to a good point then. Shall we spend the rest of the time checking in on what you’re working on. Channel some new ideas for those?’ I said in relief. The session felt like it was going somewhere purposeful, even if it had taken a while to get us there.

I glanced at my phone, I was due to meet Marianne in half an hour, and I was going to be cutting it fine.

‘Okay,’ he said, nodding. ‘Let’s do it.’

I hurried along the high street to the café. The session with Kiran had gone well, but it had also run over a tiny bit and now I was late to meet Marianne.

I pushed the door open, and spotted her over in the corner with Betty in the high chair. Betty was trying to climb out and Marianne was trying to keep her in.

‘I’m so sorry I’m late.’

Marianne looked up and smiled.

‘Ah, don’t worry. You’re not too late, we were just very early. Baby sign was cancelled and I naively thought we’d come and have a nice drink whilst we waited.’

Betty started to wail and she threw the biscuit she was holding in her hand. Marianne bent down, trying to retrieve the thrown food, and popping it on an empty plate on the table.

‘I’m thinking we might not be able to stay, as she’s getting pretty grouchy and might need a nap. Do you want to go for a walk instead?’

‘Yeah, that would be great. I’ll just order a coffee to go. Do you want one?’

‘I’d love one. Oat-milk latte, please.’

It wasn’t long before we were walking into one of the parks at the edge of the high street.

‘Have you heard from Andrea?’ I asked.

‘A little. The Maldives look amazing from the pictures she’s sent.’

‘Yeah, she’s sent me a couple too.’ I nodded. The photos of crystal-clear waters were so beautiful they looked photoshopped.

‘She gets back tomorrow. Can you believe how quickly that’s gone?’

‘Almost two weeks.’

‘Yep, and then she’ll be back home. I wonder what she’ll do with her time. It feels like she was planning that wedding forever.’

We shared a little look. It wasn’t that Andrea had gone full Bridezilla, but she’d had her moments.

Betty started to fuss in the pushchair and Marianne went round the front to adjust the straps.

‘Did you hear that hot Gavin hooked up with Susie?’

‘Susie that did the mooning on the hen do?’ I said.

I hadn’t been on the hen do, but I’d heard the stories.

‘That’s the one. They turned up together at breakfast the next morning too. Caused quite the stir with Sue.’

I laughed, I could well imagine. My Aunty Sue still insisted that Andrea and Henry had separate bedrooms when they stayed at hers last Christmas.

‘And how was it with Jimmy?’

I’d known it was only a matter of time until he was brought up.

‘It was okay. I found out that he’s dating again. A twenty-year-old or something.’

Marianne pulled a face. ‘Why do they do it?’

‘She’s uncomplicated,’ I said with a shrug.

‘It’s because she’s young. Everyone gets complicated at some point.’ She gave me a look of solidarity, but I knew at the moment I was more complicated than most people.

‘I’m happy for him,’ I said.

‘Of course you are. Because you are infuriatingly too nice.’

‘It’s not like he’s done anything wrong,’ I said, shrugging again and she shook her head at me. I knew I should have had more of a reaction to it but, apart from a bit of dented pride, I didn’t feel anything other than numb. That was the trouble. Ever since we’d broken up, that’s how I’d felt. It was as if my heart had already broken when Kerry died so, when Jimmy and I broke up a couple of months later, my heart had already hardened so that it couldn’t fracture any more.

A squirrel ran across the path in front of us and came to a stop on the grass. Marianne went to point it out to Betty, but she was fast asleep already. Marianne bent down and reclined her seat so that she was lying back.

‘Well, at least you’ve got your friend,’ she said, with air quotes.

‘Who is just a friend.’ I took a sip of my coffee, burning my tongue.

‘For now,’ she muttered. ‘So what’s he like?’

I opened my mouth and shut it again.

How did I describe someone that I’d never met? His avatar had dark hair, with big brown eyes that you could get lost staring into. But I couldn’t have fallen for a CGI-generated man. It was the man behind it. The way that he listened and the way he understood.

‘Well, I don’t actually know. I sort of haven’t met him yet,’ I said, caught up in my daze.

‘Oh,’ she said stepping back, to get a better look at me. ‘I thought you said you were hanging out.’

‘We are, just not in person.’

She narrowed her eyes. ‘I don’t get it. Did you meet him on Hinge or an app?’

‘Kind of, via the Metaverse. Did I ever tell you about my client, Kiran?’

‘Your tech guru?’