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- Herausgeber: Liberties Press
- Kategorie: Sachliteratur, Reportagen, Biografien
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2013
Captain Tom Clonan's odyssey begins as an Irish army officer in war-torn Lebanon and Bosnia. As a soldier, he witnesses the brutality and squalor of war in the conflict zones of the Middle East and Central Europe. On his return to peacetime Ireland, he is forced to confront the dark secret at the heart of the Irish Armed Forces including the systematic sexual harassment of Irish women soldiers. Over a million US troops have taken part in the Global War on Terror. Most take their first steps on that journey at Shannon Airport. Thousands return in sealed coffins. From Shannon Airport, to Iraq, Syria and Guantanamo Bay - Clonan's exploration of this world war begins, and ends, in Ireland. Whistleblower, Soldier, Spy charts Clonan's progression from soldier to academic and journalist as Irish Times security analyst and offers an honest and vivid account of life on and off duty. Clonan writes of his own personal hardships, coming to terms with the loss of a precious daughter and the struggle to protect a son in ill health. It is a testimony to conflict, global and personal, and of the importance of moral courage. It is a book which ultimately affirms the power of love in the fight against the forces of destruction.
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Whistleblower Soldier Spy
A Journey into the Dark Heart of the Global War on Terror
Tom Clonan
For Aideen, Darach, Eoghan, Ailbhe, Rossa & our precious angel, Liadain
Contents
Acknowledgements
I wish to thank Aideen, Theo Dorgan, Denis O’Brien, Una Murray, Benji Bennett and Rosie Head for their mentoring, invaluable advice and sharp editorial skills. I am also very grateful to Seán O’Keeffe and the team at Liberties Press for their support and friendship.
I would like to thank the men and women of the Irish Defence Forces, with whom I am proud to have served at home and abroad. The Irish armed forces mentored me, educated me and above all, taught me to fight. I am grateful for these gifts – they have proved to be essential life skills. I wish to thank those journalists who allowed me to tell my story as a whistleblower. A big thank you also to my many colleagues at the Dublin Institute of Technology and the Irish Times for their collegiality and kindness. As a researcher and a journalist, I wish to extend a special thanks to all of those men and women who have spoken to me over the years. Thank you for sharing your most intimate stories and experiences with me. A final thanks for the remarkable journalists, diplomatic staff, politicians and spies that I have met over the last decade. The spies know who they are.
Foreword
This book is a memoir. To paraphrase another soldier, Erich Maria Remarque, this book is ‘neither an accusation nor a confession, and least of all an adventure’. For this is a book about conflict. It deals with the intensely personal conflict of a grieving parent. It describes the conflict between the individual citizen and those who wield power. It is an exploration of global conflict. It is a retelling of my experiences as an army officer, whistleblower, journalist and father. The book spans the period from 1996 to 2009. For the author, these dates bracket a sequence of formative, traumatic, life-changing events.
The chronology commences as the Balkan Wars of the 1990s draw to a close. The book opens with my experiences as an international election monitor for the Organisation for Security Co-Operation in Europe, (OSCE) in Bosnia Herzegovina during the crucial autumn elections of 1996. These elections were a critical provision of the Dayton Accords, and for many signaled the end of open hostilities in Bosnia. The narrative continues with my doctoral research – as a serving army officer – into women soldiers in the Irish armed forces. This research revealed unacceptable levels of bullying, sexual harassment and sexual assault of female personnel within the Irish military. The memoir also deals with my transition from soldier to whistleblower and journalist. The book charts some of my experiences as a journalist from the beginning of the US Global War on Terror (GWOT) – in the immediate aftermath of 9/11 – to the official ending of the GWOT in 2009. In parallel with these events, the book also details my experience as a parent coming to terms with the diagnosis of a serious illness in a beloved child.
The account given here of my experiences as army officer, whistleblower, journalist and father are based on actual events. Due to the lengthy time period involved and the complexity of events covered, this book is not an exhaustive account; it is based on my own personal experiences, diaries and letters.
Consistent with this account however, I have changed the names of individuals from time to time throughout the book in order to protect identities. In the opening phase of the book, which deals with my time in Bosnia, I have deliberately changed the names of those people that I worked with and lived with during my brief time there. The events themselves are true. However, I have changed some small details here and there to mask the identities of certain individuals in order to protect them from hostile scrutiny.
In order to protect the sensitivities of those with whom I served in the Irish armed forces, I have changed the names of many of the personnel with whom I served in various operational units and at Defence Forces Headquarters. In addition, I have created a small number of fictionalised characters in order to obscure the identities of a number of key players in my research process and its aftermath. These composite characters do not represent any real person with whom I served in the armed forces. The events that occurred, however, are factual and are true as described here.
In order to protect the anonymity and confidentiality of my research participants – the women who took part in my doctoral research – I have created a fictional cast of female soldiers. In the phase of the book that deals with the research and its consequences, I have also altered the interview responses of the research participants. The quotations I use in this book, whilst similar in tone and language to those elicited at research interviews, differ from the original responses obtained during the PhD process. It is the story of my own personal journey through the research process and my subsequent experiences as a whistleblower. To this end, most of the army personnel that appear in this phase of the book, male and female, are composite, amalgamated characters and do not represent any real persons.
A full and frank account of my academic research into women in the Irish armed forces is contained within my doctoral thesis, ‘Sisters in Arms, The Status and Roles Assigned Female Personnel in the Irish Defence Forces’. This PhD thesis is held in the library of Dublin City University. A further account of the conditions of service, discrimination and bullying experienced by female and male soldiers in the Irish armed forces is contained within the report of the Study Review Group – an independent enquiry into the findings of my doctoral research initiated, at my request, by Michael Smith TD, Irish Minister for Defence in 2001. A full list of all of my academic articles and publications is available through the electronic academic archive at the Dublin Institute of Technology.
Whilst the majority of the army personnel who feature here are composite characters, a very small number of key players in these events have been identified by name. I am very proud to have served with these individuals and am very grateful to them for the positive role they played in my professional and personal development.
I have used a similar approach in writing about my experiences at Camps Delta and Echo, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, the US military’s Landstuhl Regional Medical Centre, Germany and the British army’s former base at Bessbrook Mill, Northern Ireland. I employed the same narrative method in describing my interactions with US military personnel in Shannon Airport and US Missile Defence Agency staff at NATO Headquarters in Brussels, Belgium. Most of the key players are identified by name. However, I have sought to protect those who spoke to me off the record by going to significant lengths to mask their true identities.
I have named all of those with whom I interacted in Lebanon, Syria and Iraq where possible and where memory allows. The experiences described in these pages are based on actual events and real people. At the time of writing, many of my Syrian contacts have become central players in Syria’s civil war. Some stand accused of war crimes and crimes against humanity.
The Irish Times’ electronic archive contains all of the articles and features I have written over the years on the US Global War on Terror and on other security-, defence- and terror-related issues. My TV and radio interviews during this period are archived and cached in digital repositories and can be accessed through various online search engines.
In attempting to contextualise these professional experiences, I have made extensive reference to my own personal and family circumstances. I have done so in order to try and communicate a wider truth about conflict – personal and global – fatherhood and loss. I have tried to communicate the experience of becoming a parent to five children. I have tried to honestly communicate the experience of loss of parents, siblings and a precious daughter. I have tried to openly and frankly communicate the experience of having a child with special needs. I have also tried to communicate the perplexing and disturbing experience of being a whistleblower in contemporary Ireland – and my experience of whistleblower ‘reprisal’. I make no apologies for including this account here. It is neither a confession nor an accusation. It is an experience that speaks for itself.
Prologue
South Lebanon, UN Position 6-40 Al Yatun, Operation Grapes of Wrath April 1996
The Israeli artillery position known as ‘Gate 12’ has been firing at us for days now. Thousands of artillery shells pounding our positions. Israeli air force jets and helicopter gunships saturate the area with fire. I pinch myself. I have to keep reminding myself, amid the smoke and the havoc, I am in Lebanon. I am an officer in the Irish army. A UN peacekeeper. Here to keep the peace. But by now, the country is on fire. Peace, man.
I’m sick of it. Sick of being in uniform. I resolve to burn the filthy combats I’ve been wearing for over a week now. Two litres of diesel. That’s all it takes. Little Mac, the tech sergeant who tends the diesel generators on Post 6-40 in Al Yatun, fills up my plastic container from the fuel tank. A scratched and scuffed plastic carton that once held orange squash. It reminds me for a split second of picnics with my mum and dad as a kid in Ireland. But that was a long time ago.
Today, the sun-bleached UN position at Al Yatun is the setting for my epiphany. I take the sloshing carton of diesel down to my billet, kicking up dust in the blinding midday sunshine and heat. Diesel evaporating on the back of my hand, the familiar kerosene smell drowning out the stench of human shit that permeates Al Yatun.
Earlier that day I had walked out of our neighbouring UN position in Qana. It was there, in the village of Qana, that I saw the remains of over one hundred Lebanese men, women and children laid out in the shade of a portacabin. Laid out on sheets and mats and plastic. Bits and pieces of bodies blown apart by Israeli artillery shells.
Children’s clothes on ragdoll bodies. T-shirts with salutations in English and French. One little girl, eyes open, staring sightlessly past me. Her pink vest says ‘Une Belle Histoire’. A small boy, the lower part of his face missing, wears a green T-shirt. It sings out, ‘I Love My Baby Brother’. Flies are buzzing constantly in the heat. I feel sick.
I count my patrol members back into the armoured personnel carriers. Pat each one on the back as they hop up and mount the high-axled Sisu armoured vehicles. The radios are alive with traffic. The whirr and whistle and hiss of the radio sets play out over the vibration of the massive diesel engines.
I’m last in. I grip the metal handrail and swing up into the gloomy interior. Flak jacket and helmet soaked in sweat. Perspiration runs down the plastic pistol grip of the rifle. I instinctively rub my thumb over the safety catch release. Catch my forefinger over the automatic lock-out. Weapon safe. Sergeant Bracken grips my hand in his and with the other arranges the radio headset around the rim of my helmet. My crown of thorns.
The earplugs of the headset deaden the scene around me and Irish accents – clear of static, emotionless, calm – call out instructions over the net. I report my position to Operations and signal my intention to return to Al Yatun. The Ops officer breaks into the conversation and tells me I’m going home. ‘Great news, Thomas – you’re on the first flight out.’
Back in Al Yatun, I throw my rifle on the bed. I undo the chinstrap on the blue helmet and pull it off. My hair runs with sweat. I massage my scalp. I’m exhausted; I haven’t slept for days. Night blurring into day through hundreds of hours of shelling and shooting. I resist the temptation to lie on the bed. I peel off my combats. They are filthy, stinking and caked in dust and God knows what.
I take my last bottle of water and carefully unscrew the cap. Naked, I pour the warm water over my head. Like John the Baptist in that dark filthy billet, I anoint myself. Hands shaking, I pour the hotel room miniature shampoo bottle into the palm of my right hand. I wash. And then, I pour the remainder of the water over myself. I climb into my last set of combats. Clean for the trip home to Ireland.
I go outside and bundle my dirty combats into the scorched and heat-blasted rain barrel. I take all the letters from home and dump them in on top – for good measure. Then the prayer to St Anthony, the St Christopher Medal and the relic of St Therese. I shove them in too. I think of my mum briefly and feel a short, sharp stab of guilt. She’d sent them to me. ‘To watch over you my love.’ But she’s thousands of miles away. I get my second wind then and pour in the diesel. I light some rags. The barrel is ablaze. My opposite number comes crunching across the gravel. ‘You alright?’ He grins at me. He too is covered in dust and dirt. His eyes are red-rimmed from constant wiping and no sleep. ‘The smoke is making my eyes water,’ is my reply. We both laugh.
I drink whiskey in the Ops room until the convoy comes to take me to Beirut. I see Al Yatun in the rear-view mirror and I vow to myself never again. Never again will I get mixed up in something like this.
Dublin April 1996
Twenty-four hours later, I’m walking up Grafton Street with my girlfriend.
Vienna April 1996
The Dayton Peace Agreement, or the General Framework Agreement for Peace in Bosnia and Herzegovina, is implemented in the former Yugoslavia. Signed by the Republic of Bosnia and Herzegovina, the Republic of Croatia and the Federal Republic of Yugoslavia (FRY), a ceasefire of sorts is holding in Bosnia. In Vienna, the Organisation for Security Cooperation in Europe (OSCE) prepares the necessary plans for elections throughout Bosnia Herzegovina.
I read about the Dayton Peace Agreement in the Irish Times. It signals the end of the Balkan War in Europe. I’m still feeling restless, unsettled, after the Lebanon experience. Can’t sleep. After three months at home, I decide it might be a good idea to go to Bosnia Herzegovina as an OSCE election monitor. International election monitors are required to physically oversee the election process – making sure that the ballot is properly organised and run – free from intimidation and interference. How interesting, to bear witness to the end of a war in Europe. As opposed to being in the midst of one in the Middle East. I’m thinking the experience might be ‘therapeutic’.
I am deployed to Prijedor in the Republika Srpska (Serb) area, an autonomous region of the Bosnian Krajina. I discover later that, per head of population, Prijedor is reputed to have the highest concentration of war criminals of any municipality in the world.
Therapeutic indeed. My mum has a canary when I tell her. My dad throws his eyes up to heaven. My girlfriend buys me a drink.
Chapter 1
Welcome to Bosnia
‘You are a very peculiar man.’
Vienna, Austria September 1996
Just two hours by air from Dublin, Austria is strangely autumnal. In Dublin, the horse chestnuts are still green. In Vienna’s Innere Stadt, the trees are already flaming yellow, red and golden as the leaves turn. I have no troops with me on this trip. Just me, myself, alone. I check in to the hotel that OSCE have block-booked for election monitors. My room overlooks the Danube. It is brown and fast-flowing. Not blue at all.
After a briefing on the next day’s short flight to Sarajevo, I go into town. Into the central square, Stephansplatz. I gaze up at the serrated roof tiles and gargoyles that adorn Vienna’s cathedral, the Stephansdom. At the corner of the square, at Graben and Kärntner Strasse, I come across the Stock im Eisen. An historic curiosity. A gnarled, medieval spruce tree that has been preserved and placed on public display.
Bound in metal hoops, the fossilised spruce is known in folklore as a ‘nail tree’ or Nagelbaum. Thousands of iron nails have been hammered into the ancient tree over the centuries. The martyred spruce is reputed to stand at the mythic heart of the old city. It is also reputed to attract Satan to its vicinity.
Pondering that, I decide to celebrate my birthday by going for a few drinks. Drinking is what soldiers do, after all. A little habit I’ve picked up in Lebanon. A foolproof way to avoid Satan and all his works.
I go to the Loos Bar, also known as ‘the American Bar’. Frau Kohn, the owner, has restored the Loos to its original glory. Green and white chessboard marble floor. Gleaming mahogany bar counter. Onyx tiles and mirrors. I lose myself in this interior world. I order Wiener Schnitzel – of course – and potato salad. The waitress, high-browed and haughty with plaited platinum-blonde hair, brings me a half litre of Innstadt Weissbier.
She stares at me when I thank her in German. I eat in silence as the bar slowly fills. Three young Viennese women join me at the bar. They ask me about Ireland. I tell them it is my birthday. They ask me if I am a ‘virgin’. All three staring at me intently. I find this an unexpected and unsettling turn of events. I explain to them, slowly and carefully, that this would not be considered a polite question in Dublin. Lotte, the group leader, exhales loudly and remarks that this is ‘foolishness’. She presses home her enquiry. ‘But you must be a virgin.’
I later realise that they are asking me if I am a Virgo. Because it is my birthday. I am unable to explain this misunderstanding. Konstanze tells me that I am ‘a very peculiar man’. Ute insists we go dancing for my birthday. We find a bar with traditional Austrian folk music. It is the only dancing to be had in the city centre. They tease me at my inability to dance a polka – a dance they perform with alarming ease. They ask me if I even know any German. Feeling belligerent, I tell them I know one German word – Anschluss. Thankfully, they laugh. They then take me to see Hitler’s old house, a kind of workman’s shelter on Meldemannstraße in the Brigittenau district. We then get a taxi back into the centre of the old town. I watch as Ute vomits into the Donnerbrunnen Fountain in the Neuer Markt. Lotte is holding her blonde ponytails back as she retches. I call out, ‘Auf wiedersehen!’ and take my leave of my newfound Austrian friends.
In the wee small hours I return to the hotel, which is locked. After much hammering and banging the concierge opens the door and peers out at me quizzically. I see a brass plaque over his chair which reads, ‘Der Pförtner’. He reluctantly allows me in and follows me to my room. He checks my name off a list on a clipboard in the crook of his arm. ‘Aha. Der ire Ire.’ I gather this is a less than complimentary term for ‘Irishman’. He puts his finger to his lips and hisses at me, ‘Singing now is verboten.’ I get the message.
I awake the following morning with a pounding headache. I say a prayer for Lotte, Ute and Konstanze. Head thumping, I count out hundreds of deutsche marks and US dollar bills on the bed. I separate the notes and distribute them about my person in different pockets and bags as best I can. Time to go to Bosnia Herzegovina. Weighed down by various currencies in small denominations I take a taxi to the airport. ‘Flughafen Wien,’ I tell the driver. He snorts and tells me he doesn’t speak English. Another morning, another journey begins.
I check in with dozens of election monitors from all over Europe. I tag along with the Greeks. I meet two lawyers from Athens, Athena and Athena. One Athena is tall, the other shorter. So I call them Little Athena and Big Athena. We board a Swissair jet and I get the window.
The flight from Vienna to Sarajevo is short. Initially, I gaze down at the ordered patchwork quilt of Austrian countryside. Ponds, lakes and the odd metal roof wink and flash up at us as the European Union gives way to Mitteleuropa, which rolls out beneath us. We fly south and east through Hungarian airspace, the countryside below changing. Less patchwork. Less order. More forest. Now overhead Pecs, passing briefly through Croatian airspace and suddenly skirting Tuzla, Zenica and on toward Sarajevo.
The aircraft banks gently as we descend through Bosnian airpace. The terrain below suddenly changes from the brown and beige autumnal field pattern of Austria to jet-black Karst mountains and dark green forest. Like an illustration out of the Grimm’s fairytales I read as a small boy in Dublin. I imagine trolls, witches and wolves in the valleys below. I know, in fact, that there is worse down there. I have a sudden recollection of an Irish army officer who was held hostage by the Serbs at the height of the conflict. I recall images of dozens of soldiers tied to trees and pylons during the NATO air campaign the previous winter. For some reason, the mental images remind me of the Stock im Eisen in Vienna.
The Swissair pilot announces our final approach to Sarajevo. Ears popping, I look through the window. Soviet-era apartment blocks brood grey in the distance. They shimmer a little through the late afternoon heat haze. Closer in to the city, I see terraces and rows of beautiful white-walled, red-tiled villas. Not what I’d expected.
The roar of the engines now as we thump-clunk down on the runway. I see the Sarajevo skyline as we fast taxi to the terminal. It is like a set from Star Trek. Futuristic buildings, onion domes. On closer inspection, bullet holes, flak and blast damage. Missing windows everywhere. The familiar sight of wires and high-tension cables coiled and burned, looped around the bases of poles and pylons. This is reminding me of Beirut. Welcome to Bosnia.
When we disembark the aircraft, the Swissair jet taxis away immediately and is already airborne as a tractor approaches pulling a wooden cart containing our bags. We manhandle the bags down ourselves. I retrieve mine. My mum has tied a shiny red love heart around the handle so that it is easily identifiable on an airport carousel.
A French officer serving with NATO helps me to heft the bag down. ‘Which one of the girls does this bag belong to?’ he asks me. ‘Err, it’s mine,’ I reply. He frowns at me and in a moment of presumably avuncular pity, he whispers to me, ‘Avoid the Serb-held areas if you can. Don’t get deployed to a Serb area. They are not happy.’
I’m digesting this new piece of information when we are called into a large tent. There is a Canadian major calling out names in a sing-song French accent, separating election monitors into groups. He calls out my name. He tells me that I am bound for the town of Prijedor. ‘Where’s that?’ I enquire. Annoyed at the interruption, he glowers at me. ‘It is in the Republika Srpska Region, 50km north-west of Banja Luka. Serb country.’ His staff of NCOs are eyeing me curiously and grin broadly in unison at my obvious discomfort. ‘Don’t worry,’ calls out the sergeant major, ‘they’ll really like you up there. They have not had many English-speaking visitors since the US and British bombing campaign. They’ll be very keen, no doubt, to share with you their views.’ I decide now to stop asking questions.
After a briefing and some bottles of lukewarm water, my group is marshalled out to the edge of the runway. A taciturn Norwegian air force corporal pulls our bags behind us on a hand trolley. We will fly to Banja Luka in a Royal Norwegian Air Force Hercules C-130 cargo aircraft. The Norwegians load pallets into the rear of the aircraft. They then signal for us to file up into the aircraft through the tailgate. They motion for us to sit in small canvas bucket seats which fold down along the sides of the aircraft. We sink into the canvas seats and buckle up, legs dangling over the spars below. I scan my fellow passengers and spot Big Athena and Little Athena on the other side, just opposite me. Big Athena gives me a big thumbs up. Little Athena is applying make-up with a tiny mirror.
And then, the roar of the four propeller engines as we start to taxi. Everything is vibrating and rattling as we sway and bump and whallop down the runway. Eventually, after what seems like a very long drive in the country, we creak up skyward and head north for Banja Luka. The pilots are visible to us in the cockpit. One has his feet crossed and resting along the side of the instrument panel. They are engaged in some hilarious discussion and laugh all the way to Banja Luka. They only pause from their discussion as we make our final approach. They spring into action then, twisting dials, pulling on levers and suddenly we are down. Almost imperceptibly gliding onto the runway as the sun sets in the west.
I think of Vienna and the American Bar now, many hundreds of miles away over the Dinaric and Julian Alps to the north. I have a brief vision of Lotte and Ute and Konstanze nursing their hangovers. I think of my girlfriend in Dublin.
We are met in Banja Luka by a detachment of British soldiers. The Brits belong to a battalion of the Royal Green Jackets. In contrast to our French and Canadian friends in Sarajevo, the Brits are positively cheery and ask us if we have tea bags and powdered milk. They ply us with British army standard-issue chocolate, biscuits, tea bags, powdered milk and marmalade of all things.
They drive us in convoy to Prijedor. I am dropped off at the house of a Serb family. I am billeted with them – their ‘houseguest’ – for the duration of the elections. I am met at the door of the house by Zoran and his son, Bojan.
Chapter 2
Breakfast in Bosnia
‘No one will hurt you in the daytime. No one is permitted to hurt you especially in the night-time.’
Prijedor, Bosnia September 1996
Zoran and Bojan welcome me to their home. It is a large detached house surrounded by trees. A modern two-storey building – all white plasterwork and an ornate red-tiled roof. A rambling climbing plant with variegated leaves covers the walls on the ground floor. The climber graces the first-floor balconies in a profusion of pink and white flowers. There are painted wooden shutters on the upper windows and a large covered terrace adorns the first floor. There are hanging baskets with multicoloured blossoms suspended from the timber beams of the overhanging roof. I think briefly of Hansel and Gretel.
Zoran resembles Zorba the Greek. He is a very large man with huge hands. His face is burned brown by the sun. A white and grey beard gives him a regal quality. Zoran’s green eyes remind me of my father. Those green eyes bore into mine. A full appraisal. He mutters something under his breath and offers his hand. A firm handshake. Meanwhile, Bojan – pronounced ‘Boyan’ – a seemingly shy twenty-year-old, hangs back, watching me nervously. Zoran nods at Bojan and he too grips my hand, pumping it furiously in a more enthusiastic greeting.
They lead me through the front door into a large hallway. The hallway is painted white with a large central staircase with metal banisters. The floor is shining marble. Family portraits and paintings decorate the walls. A large triptych hangs on the return of the stairwell. Jesus stares down at me forlornly from the upper landing. His hands outward and upward in supplication. The wounds of the crucifixion oozing blood. Mary’s eyes meet mine, imploring. The Orthodox Christian images remind me of the Sacred Heart of Jesus statues at home in Ireland. This Serbian Jesus has a narrower face though. The blood flowing from his wounds is a vivid crimson. Fresh.
Zoran takes me by the elbow and motions me into the family room where I meet his wife and other children. Two girls, Milinka and Dragana, ten and eleven years old. They smile shyly at me. Zoran’s wife Irena looks tired and drawn. She smiles faintly at me and I notice that she is pale, as though she has been indoors for a long time.
I am invited to sit at the family table – a huge timber affair covered with a starched cloth. We eat pickled vegetables, or tursija, followed by cevapcici, a kind of grilled minced meat. There is bread, salad and feta cheese. Zoran offers me slivovitz – home-brewed brandy. It is not unlike poitín and it burns its way down my throat. Everyone, including Bojan, who has been staring at me, smiles as I swallow it. The room comes to life and I feel grateful to this family who have taken me – a complete stranger – into their home. I am gradually made to feel at home, despite being a thousand miles from Dublin and a million light years from all that is familiar, constant and certain to me.
I look around the room and notice the wire trailing through the window into the garden. A diesel generator is humming outside. Zoran follows my gaze and explains in German that the electricity supply is sporadic. They get a few hours of electricity a day. The diesel generator has been turned on in my honour.
Irena explains to me that there is very little in the shops. She speaks in faltering German and Bojan helps with the odd English word. Everyone on the street grows something in their garden; fruit, vegetables. Everyone keeps a pig or some hens to provide the family with eggs and fresh meat during the winter.
Bojan takes me out into a scullery to the rear of the house. It is full of jars and large aluminium pots and pans. They are filled with fruit and vegetables. August and September is a time for pickling fruit and vegetables for the winter. I am beginning to understand that Zoran and Irena are almost self-sufficient when it comes to food. I ask Bojan where his father’s farm is. Bojan laughs. ‘Daddy is not a farmer. He worked in the concrete factory until the war is starting. We learn to do all of this together with our neighbours.’
I glance back into the family room. Zoran and Irena are talking gently to Milinka and Dragana – which translated, mean ‘graceful one’ and ‘beloved one’. I get the briefest flash of insight into what they have been through in the war. Just four years ago, Zoran and Irena had lived normal suburban lives in Prijedor. Commuting to work. Shopping in the supermarket. Doing all of the things that any family in Dublin would be familiar with. The sacred daily rituals of family life. Those weekly routines intimately familiar to households all over Europe.
And then, in 1992, the war began. And in the four years that follow, this family has gone from normality to war. From cosmos to chaos. From serenity to anarchy. With all of the emotions associated with that roller coaster journey. When I look at Irena, I am reminded of the women I saw in Lebanon. When I look at her face, look into her eyes, I see fear.
I wonder how they feel just now, in the autumn of 1996, with a total stranger – from Ireland – under their roof. I think of the Volkswagen I saw in the front garden, covered in a tarpaulin. ‘Daddy has not driven his car for four years,’ Bojan tells me. ‘He is waiting until everything is normal again. Waiting for when he can buy petrol.’
Irena brings the girls to bed. But not before they each solemnly shake hands with me. ‘Dobra vecher,’ (‘Goodnight’) they solemnly intone.
Zoran sits at the table. I have given him the bottle of Jameson whiskey I brought from Dublin. He is examining the label with his glasses on. He engages in some hurried conversation with Bojan. He looks at me and grins again. ‘Irska. Not English. Republika Irska, Republika Srpska. Aye Orrr Ey.’ I realise he is saying ‘IRA’. I get a bear hug for my troubles. I have passed another test it seems.
After a glass of Jameson, Bojan is instructed to carry my suitcase up to my room. I am given the master bedroom. I look at the double bed and realise that I am to sleep in Zoran and Irena’s bed. Zoran and Irena are sleeping in Bojan’s room. I object and am pushed gently into the room by Zoran. His finger to his lips, hushing a long, low ‘sshhhh’. Silenced, the door closes gently behind me with the faintest murmur of timber on doorjamb.
The diesel generator’s hum grows faint, splutters and coughs below. The lights flicker and the room falls into darkness. I unpack my bag in the moonlight and gather up my deutsche marks and dollars. I look guiltily at the crumpled notes. I had hidden them in the belief that they might be stolen from me. I think of Zoran and Irena sleeping on a fold-out bed in Bojan’s room. I place the money in the drawer of the bedside locker.
The next morning I wake as Zoran knocks gently on the door. He says something in Serbian. ‘Dobro utro,’ (‘Good morning’). He opens the door a little and places a black coffee on the nightstand in the doorway. I drink the bitter coffee and go downstairs to wash myself in the scullery. There is no hot water. I wash and shave in cold water.
At eight o’clock Milomir arrives at the house. Milomir, or ‘Milo’, will be my driver for the next few weeks. He is about twenty-two years old. He wears faded Levis and a starched white shirt under a black sport jacket. I note his cufflinks and one earring. He is darker than Zoran and Bojan. Handsome. Tall. Confident. He is greeted at the door by Zoran, who kisses him and embraces him briefly. Bojan stands back and smiles shyly at Milomir. Milomir advances on him and playfully thumps his shoulder. He embraces Bojan then. Kissing him on both cheeks. He turns and looks at me. He pauses momentarily as he stares at me. He holds his hand out stiffly and utters a formal, ‘Guten morgen.’
Zoran speaks to him rapidly in Serb. Milomir looks at me anew. His eyes widen in surprise. ‘Irska? Irish?’
Bojan interjects, ‘Not English. Not American!’ I get another bear hug. Milomir’s acrid aftershave makes my eyes water.
Then I meet Dragana. Another Dragana. Another ‘beloved one’. Dragana is our interpreter. She is older than Milomir, in her late twenties. She has a long, livid scar on her face. It runs from her temple, down her cheek to her upper lip. When she smiles, only one side of her mouth responds. She eyes me coldly and speaks in perfect, slightly accented English. ‘Welcome to Serbia.’
Milomir and Dragana will accompany me for the next few weeks as I visit around a dozen or so polling stations for the upcoming ‘free and democratic elections’ in Bosnia Herzegovina. The polling stations I am responsible for are dotted in and around Prijedor. Ljubija and Bosanski Novi to the west of the town. Dubica to the north. Bos Gradiska, Mrakovica, Kozarac and Omarska to the east.
Dragana is very different to Milomir. She is quiet. Speaks only when spoken to. She avoids eye contact. Milomir sweeps us out to his car – a silver Volkswagen Golf GTI, 1988 model. Alloy wheels. Spoilers and darkened windows. Milomir opens the passenger door for me and with a fluid, expansive gesture, invites me to sit on the velour seat. I climb in and notice the silver skull on top of the gear stick. Milomir, it would appear, is a boy racer. Dragana sits in the back. Sighs heavily, histrionically, and lights a cigarette. Milomir lights up as well and offers me one. I decline politely. Milomir looks puzzled. He opens the glove compartment and takes out a bottle of slivovitz. He takes a long pull on the bottle and offers it to me. I think, if I’m going to die in this car today, I might as well have a drink first. In for a penny, in for a pound. I take a deep swig on the slivovitz and feel it warm my belly. Breakfast in Bosnia.
Milomir takes us on a tour of Prijedor. He drives like a maniac. Smoking. Shouting in Serb. Even though there is very little traffic. Again, I am reminded of my father. A younger version perhaps.
Prijedor is a town of around 14,000 people. Milomir drives us through the old town, Stari Grad, at breakneck speed. Dragana rattles off a description of each street. ‘Main street.’ ‘Side street.’ ‘Police building.’ As we weave through the streets, Dragana makes languid observations, ‘Notice the Ottoman and Austro-Hungarian architecture.’
We screech to a halt at a large modernist building. It is a cubist monstrosity – like one of the Ballymun towers perched precariously atop a massive concrete bunker. Apparently it was once a hotel. Now it functions as a kind of town hall. Municipal offices have been set up inside. It is where the OSCE election monitors are received by the mayor of Prijedor.
Dragana speaks. ‘Milomir would like to introduce you to the mayor.’ We enter the concrete and steel building with its small windows. The interior is gloomy with large, heavy wooden doors. The doors are painted dark brown. The walls are green. It reminds me of the public health clinic in Finglas village back in the 1970s. The air is thick with cigarette smoke. There are dour older men everywhere. Smoking. Sitting at desks. Glowering at us from office doorways. Eventually we are ushered to an office at the end of a long corridor. Our elderly escort knocks gingerly on the door. No reply. Milomir takes a drag on his cigarette and impatiently opens the door. He pushes me inside.
There are two men in the room. The mayor and another man. Dragana follows me in and announces in monotone. ‘That is the mayor. That is a policeman.’ The policeman is introduced to me as ‘Simo’. Or Simo Drljaca – the ‘Sheriff of Prijedor’ – as I later discover. To me, he looks like any middle-aged man. Slightly overweight. Slightly disheveled. He looks me over without comment. He is expressionless. The mayor snaps something at Milomir. We have interrupted an important conversation.
The mayor then composes himself and smiles. Comes around his desk and embraces me. Kisses me on each cheek. He is speaking softly. Dragana announces from somewhere behind me, ‘You are very welcome to Prijedor. I am at your disposal. No one will harm you here on my say so. No one will hurt you in the daytime. No one is permitted to hurt you especially in the night-time.’
Milomir says something in Serbian. The mayor looks at me. His eyes widen in surprise. I’m getting used to this now. He utters the words, ‘Republika Irska.’ With his hands still on my shoulders, he continues speaking. Dragana translates for him and in her own mechanical way rhymes off the phrases, ‘Not American, not English. You are Irish. You are welcome.’ Even Simo walks toward me. Shakes hands with me and embraces me. He smells faintly of sweat and tobacco. He starts speaking in Serb. Dragana translates. ‘Simo says, you are Irish. And the Irish have blood on their hands. The Irish understand. And you will understand that we, the Serbs, are not the new Germans.’
I’m absorbing this interesting observation and trying to compose a suitably pithy reply when the door opens behind us. Little Athena and Big Athena enter the room accompanied by their interpreter and driver. The mayor advances upon them, arms outstretched. He greets the Greek delegation effusively. Dragana translates, ‘You are welcome, my Greek sisters. My daughters. Our true friends.’
The two Athenas accept his offer of cigarettes and puff merrily away as he informs them that they too will not be harmed ‘in the daytime or even in the night-time’. The elderly concierge returns with a tray of glasses containing slivovitz. The mayor passes out the drinks and leads us in a Greek toast ‘Eviva’. My second glass of brandy in less than two hours.
As we finish our drinks, Milomir is chatting enthusiastically with the other interpreter, Sofija. Sofija is tall and blonde. Over six feet tall. She dwarfs the two Athenas – even Big Athena. She stands with her hands on her hips and regards Milomir, eye to eye. Milomir repeatedly turns to me, winking conspiratorially.
The mayor’s phone is ringing. We are ushered out to the corridor once more. Dragana and Sofija are conversing rapidly. Dragana announces, ‘We are going to motel for coffee.’ Milomir breaks into a run and shouts something. Dragana sighs. ‘We are racing to the motel. Let’s see who gets there first.’
It is a white-knuckle ride through the centre of Prijedor. We careen through the narrow streets. Cross over a bridge. Dragana observing, ‘This is River Gomjenica. Now this is River Sana. Most famous river in Republika Srpska.’ We eventually arrive at a riverside hotel. The Motel du Pont. The Athenas and Sofija arrive about five minutes later. Milomir is ecstatic. Sofija ignores him pointedly. The girls’ driver is an older man. He remains in his car, preferring to smoke and read.
Milomir sits at the bar and orders a beer. Sofija and Dragana sit at a table in the dining room and carefully examine our lists of polling stations. The two Athenas speak fluent English. They are both lawyers in Athens. They quiz me about Ireland. They ask me what I do for a living in Ireland. When I tell them that I am a soldier, Dragana raises her head and stares at me. It is a hostile gaze. I look away and return to the conversation with the Greeks.
There is no menu in the motel. The proprietress brings us thick soup and bread. She also produces a tray with glasses of slivovitz. She thrusts the glasses into our hands and calls out the Serbian toast, ‘Zivili.’ The Serbs and Greeks knock it back. I hesitate for a moment. Milomir clucks his disapproval as the maître d’ asks something in Serbian – her eyebrows raised. ‘Is this little one sick?’ Dragana pokes me in the back as she translates. I take the hint and throw back my third glass of brandy of the morning.
We spend the day in convoy. Touring the polling booths. Meeting elderly mayors, presiding officers and polling clerks. Everyone is proud of their polling stations. In Bos Gradiska, the presiding officer is also the postman. He wears his postman’s uniform proudly.
At the edge of each of the towns there are empty, gutted houses. Strange abstract symbols are painted on the entrances and gateposts. Some have been burned. I notice the tell-tale blast patterns of machine gun fire and mortar rounds on the plasterwork on many of the houses. The first-floor terraces destroyed, sagging and hanging down in twisted cords of reinforced steel rods and scorched concrete. Red-tiled rooftops burned and blackened. The roof timbers exposed like the ribs on rotting carcasses. Milomir whistles tunelessly and looks the other way. I ask Dragana about the houses and the painted symbols on the walls and doorways. ‘These are the homes of some Muslims.’ I ask her what has become of them. Dragana answers me in her flat monotone. ‘They have gone to Belgrade to find work. The paint marks show them that their homes have been vandalised by NATO.’ She does not bat an eyelid and stares at me, unblinking when I turn back to look at her.
Milomir points at the register of voters which has been supplied to me by OSCE. He says something while overtaking a truck on a blind bend. Dragana obliges me with a translation. ‘Milo is asking you if you think the Muslims will come back to Prijedor for the elections. This is their right under Dayton. When they come, you can ask them what happened to their homes. You can ask them what they think of NATO.’ Milomir nods his head enthusiastically and laughs. ‘Fucking NATO.’
We get back to Prijedor late in the evening. Milomir and Dragana drop me at Zoran’s door. They shake hands with me solemnly and bid me a formal ‘Goodnight.’ Little Athena and Big Athena are staying with another family across the road. They insist we go into town for dinner. According to Big Athena, ‘The Irish and the Greeks – birds of a feather, stick together.’
Chapter 3
After Dark
‘When one has been bitten by the snake, one fears the lizard. One learns to fear all scaled creatures.’
Sofija’s Restaurant, Prijedor, Bosnia September 1996
Big Athena and Little Athena ask me to wait in the garden of their host family while they ‘refresh their make-up’. The evening is warm and I sit at a carved wooden table in the shade of an elaborate pergola covered in blossoms and twisting entwined vines. The garden is full of fruit bushes. There is a row of beehives at the boundary wall. The air is heavy with the scent of flowers and the buzzing of insects. It reminds me of something. I cannot quite put my finger on it. But despite the idyllic scene, it makes me a little uncomfortable. The woman of the house, Radmila, approaches with more slivovitz. ‘Zivili.’ We drink to each other’s health. I’m becoming immune to the slivovitz or ‘rakija’ as Radmila calls it. The rakija dampens down the discomfiting, unsettled feeling that has come over me.
I then notice an old lady sitting on a rocking chair in the shade of the front porch. I hadn’t noticed her because she is dressed completely in black from head to toe. She wears a black headscarf. Her gnarled old hands clutch a walking stick. Her knuckles are swollen with rheumatoid arthritis. I call out to her and bid her good evening. ‘Dobra vecher.’ She turns to look at me and stares blankly in my general direction. I see that she is blind. In fact, she has no eyes at all. Just sunken eyelids and scar tissue where once she had eyes. Her face is deeply lined. She slowly rises off her chair and calls me to her.
There’s no one else around and I’m afraid that Granny will fall off the porch, so I approach her. I take her elbow as she struggles to her feet. She is mumbling away in Serbian as she gets her balance. She shuffles around to face me. She leans on me for stability and all the while mumbling and muttering, she places her hands on my face. She feels my face and becomes agitated. She sniffs at me and grabs my lapels. Now she is shrieking at me. She has stopped mumbling and is repeating the same word over and over. ‘Darko. Darko. Darko.’ I can’t extricate myself for fear that she’ll fall over.
Radmila comes running. Radmila is calling out ‘Majka’ or ‘Mother’. She gently takes the old lady’s hands and dismisses me with a curt nod of her head. Radmila is crying. Tears rolling freely down her face. The old lady sinks into her chair and sobs inconsolably. She holds her head in her hands.
The Athenas arrive and rescue me. They kiss Granny’s hands and embrace Radmila. The Greeks soothe them both with hugs and more kisses. Water is poured from a pitcher on the porch and Granny drinks up. Radmila will not look at me. I wonder what I’ve done wrong as the Greeks shove and push me down the garden path.
On the walk into town, as the sun sets, they tell me that Darko was Radmila’s son. He is ‘missing, believed dead’ in the war. ‘Senka’, they tell me, is Radmila’s mother. Darko’s grandmother. Apparently Darko was a favourite. She waits in the garden for him sometimes. Expecting him to return from school and climb onto her lap. Any day now.
I remember now. The hum of insects in the garden. The buzz of flies in Lebanon as they rose up, fat and lazy from the bodies of the dead. Children lost in the ebb and flow of war. Big Athena interrupts my reverie with a poke in the back. ‘Hello Ireland? Hello? Anyone at home? C’mon, it’s dinner time.’
We take a shortcut into town. We walk along a track through a heavily wooded area. In the dying light, the track is like a tunnel. The heavy boughs meet overhead, enveloping us in a long, leafy archway. The leaves have turned. Red and yellow above, orange and brown underfoot.
We emerge into a large open area. In front of us, across the clearing, is Prijedor’s train station. We pick our way across broken railway tracks. As we climb up on the platform of the train station, Big Athena explains to me about Senka: ‘Do you know what Senka means?’ she asks me. ‘It means shadow.’ Little Athena observes that I am ‘Darko’s shadow.’ They both laugh.
We walk though the train station and out onto the street. It is fully dark now. And, as in Lebanon, there are no streetlights. It is a profound, inky black. The streets are empty. Windows shuttered. I think of the mayor’s reassurance that no one has permission to harm us. ‘Especially in the night-time.’
By the time we have reached the old town, the Athenas have linked arms with me. A Greek on either side. We cross a pedestrian bridge over the river. The old town, or historic centre of Prijedor, is on a small island in the middle of the Sana River. The moon shines down on the cobbles as the Greeks direct me into the courtyard of a small restaurant. The lights are on inside. We open the creaking wooden door and enter. The old stone building is built in the Ottoman style; a low-ceilinged roof with heavy wooden beams visible. The room is half empty. The other patrons stare at us and the room falls silent. It is like the scene is straight out of a Hammer horror movie. I imagine Christopher Lee making a dramatic entrance. Instead, another heavy, ancient door creaks open. Vladimir, the owner, approaches us with open arms. He is accompanied by Sofija, the Greek girls’ interpreter. She, it seems, is his daughter.
Vladimir grabs each of the Greek lawyers in turn, kissing them repeatedly. Sofija and the Greeks then embrace. They greet each other as though reunited after years of separation despite the fact that Sofija dropped them off at Radmila’s house just over an hour ago. I’m mulling this over when the room falls silent again. Vladimir turns towards me. He is taller than Sofija and under the low ceiling he looks even bigger. In fact, he is built like the proverbial brick shithouse. He tut-tuts and speaks out loud in Serbian. His eyes are blank, devoid of expression as he stares at me. His hostility is evident.
Thankfully, Sofija intervenes and speaks Serbian to him. Rapid, staccato sentences. Vladimir’s demeanour changes in an instant. His body relaxes visibly. He places one large paw on my shoulder and with the other he tousles my hair. ‘Irska.’ ‘Republika Srpska. Republika Irska.’ I will encounter this reaction countless times. I will never tire of it. Thank God for Ireland. Saved by the shamrock once again. Mentally, I thank St Patrick and leprechauns and De Valera and all things Irish for my repeated deliverance from hostile scrutiny.
Sofija guides us to a table. The Greeks tell me that I’m going to love the food. I realise now that they have adopted me. We drink to the Greek toast, ‘Eviva.’ We drink to the Irish toast, ‘Sláinte.’ Little Athena writes it down carefully in her little black notebook. Vladimir brings us a variety of Serbian dishes. Stuffed red peppers, ‘punjene paprike’, stuffed cabbage or ‘sarma’ and Serbian moussaka. There is plenty of red wine. The other guests have forgotten about us now and ignore us for the most part. As I look around the restaurant I notice that some of the younger diners have prosthethic limbs. And I notice one young man, laughing and drinking, red-faced with a livid scar similar to Dragana’s.
The large wooden door creaks open again and a tall man enters. The hum of conversation in the restaurant dips a little as our fellow diners glance up at him. They quickly look away. No one engages him with eye contact. No friendly salutations. He scans the restaurant and spots our table. He fixes upon me and saunters towards our table. His hands are in his pockets.
Vladimir approaches and tries to divert the stranger with a menu. The man waves him aside and pulls a chair up to our table. The Greeks perk up at the new arrival and eye him curiously. He is tall and thin, with high cheekbones and a high forehead. Small eyes. Sofija falls silent. He introduces himself as Toma. He shakes hands with the Greeks. No kissing. He ignores Sofija and she ignores him. Her cheeks have reddened and there is the look of thunder on her face. Toma turns to me. ‘Ah, the soldier,’ he remarks as he offers me his hand. Evidently, he speaks a little English.
It seems he has also been talking to Dragana, my interpreter. He takes out a slim silver cigarette case and proffers it to me. I decline. He lights a cigarette and contemplates me once more. ‘I am a policeman during the day,’ he informs me. ‘At night, I like to relax though. Now I am off duty, if that is the correct expression.’
I tell him that I am also ‘off duty’ and that I am in Bosnia as a civilian election monitor. Toma laughs and tells me that people are always curious about soldiers – ‘Especially after NATO bombed us in our homes.’ I explain to him that the Irish, ‘Republika Irska,’ are not members of the NATO alliance. He raises his eyebrows a little. ‘Is that so?’ he remarks. ‘Still though,’ he continues, ‘you look like them. When one has been bitten by the snake, one fears the lizard. One learns to fear all scaled creatures.’ He laughs again. Sofija excuses herself and leaves the table. The Greeks are watching this exchange with interest.
Big Athena interrupts. ‘So, what do you want with Little Tom?’ she asks. Initially, I am surprised – and amazed at the coincidence – to hear that I have been designated ‘Little Tom’. I have clearly met my match with the Greeks. And then I think, ‘Of course – Big Toma, Little Tom.’
Toma exhales loudly and raises his eyes to heaven. ‘And you, I presume, are now his lawyer?’ Big Athena nods in the affirmative. ‘Yes, and so is (Little) Athena.’ She nods at Little Athena. Little Athena gives me a reassuring look. Toma sits forward and explains to me in broken English that he has been asked by Simo Drljaca to watch out for me. He elaborates: ‘I am here to make sure that nothing happens to you after dark.’ He opens his jacket and shows me a small semiautomatic pistol holstered at his waistband. Somehow, I am not reassured.
He orders rakija for everyone at the table. Vladimir complies but does not engage with Toma at all. Instead, he apologises to Big and Little Athena for Sofija’s early departure. ‘Sofija has a toothache.’ Vladimir refuses to take any money for the meal. We excuse ourselves and thank Toma for the glass of rakija.
Toma expresses surprise at our hasty leave-taking. ‘Let me give you a lift home. I insist.’ We protest. Toma insists. He takes Little Athena by the arm and tells us to follow him. We go out to the cobbled square. There is a small police car parked there. Toma opens the front door to Little Athena. Bowing theatrically, he invites her to sit. The other Athena and I squeeze into the back seat. Toma starts the engine and grinning at me in the rear-view mirror he turns on the blue flashing lights. No siren though. In silence, he drives – in a manner not unlike Milomir – like a maniac to the street where we are billeted. The blue strobe light flashes and washes off the houses as he drops us off. I see curtains twitch in the darkness. Unseen eyes peering out in the darkness. Toma waves at the houses.
I say goodnight to the Greeks and silently, carefully enter through the front door of my own house. I slide the key into the lock, listening as the teeth glide over the sears. I twist the lock open and slip inside. As I close the door, I feel the eyes of Jesus staring down at me from the upper landing. I look up – expecting to see Mary there. Instead I see Zoran standing in the gloom. In his vest and underpants. He looks concerned. He nods at me in the darkness. He makes a circular motion in the air with his index finger – signifying the flashing lights of the police car. He looks at me quizzically. I whisper quietly that all is ‘OK, OK.’ He nods and disappears off to Bojan’s room.
