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- Herausgeber: Books on Demand
- Kategorie: Sachliteratur, Reportagen, Biografien
- Sprache: Englisch
This is the story about how I met a true psychopath. He contacted me on Facebook using a fake profile, and before I knew it, I had to run for my life, when he came for me and my children. He started out as my best friend and ended up my worst nightmare. I hope that one day I can look back at it all with a smile on my face as I truly understand why everything happened as it did. And I hope that this book will help you understand about psychopaths and narcissists, so you never end up in such a situation. This story is real. This story is my life.
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Seitenzahl: 325
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2021
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Dedication
I wrote this book hoping my story could help others. The book has been a stand-by project for the past few years – stuck in my mind, but never put into words. A lot of people in my life stood by me as I went through my nightmare with my stalker, CB. I want to thank those people in my life, and I want to let you know, that you all mean the world to me.
At first, I want to thank my kids for love and support. The past five years have not been easy for you two wonderful kids. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for trusting me, when I told you everything would fall back into place.
I also want to thank my ex-husband for all the many years we have spent together and for making sure we can maintain a good relationship with each other and our children. I want to thank my mother for being there for me and helping me through my darkness. You could sense my feelings during it all even better than me. You always saw right through me.
I must also thank my dear friend Rita. Thank you, Rita, for listening to me, and for offering your sound advice. Especially, I want to thank you for taking me to the doctor to get help when I was at rock bottom having lost all hope and faith in life.
Next, I want to thank my dad for his support and for giving me strength to keep up faith. I want also to thank both of my sisters and their families, for helping me go through the worst period of my life.
I have a special friend, Helle, who is a dear colleague from when I was working night shifts. You have known my story since the beginning, and so have you, Pia.
Helle and Pia have been there from the start and have done everything in their power to help me get rid of my stalker. Another dear friend is Jette, who was directly involved in my stalker case, since CB also stalked her due to a comment on Facebook. You also received terrible phone calls from CB. Thank you, Jette, for making sure to save all the evidence: the voice-recorded death threats, that helped the police in the United States prosecute him for crimes against you and me.
I am lucky to have so many dear friends and colleagues. I want to thank them all for listening and for being there for me. Thank you all for making me feel alive during the hardest period of my life, when I felt like a walking dead.
I am blessed to be acquainted with Kelvin Cruickshank, celebrity psychic medium, all the way from New Zealand. I am incredibly grateful that we met through Facebook. You have been my soul friend for the past eight years. You have been there for me and know my story inside and out. To have you in my life is a blessing from God. We have shared everything in our lives for the past many years, and you will always have a special place in my heart. You sensed my mood when I was down and lifted me up. You gave me the hope and strength to overcome my hardship and continue my journey. My friendship with you means the world to me, and you know that I love you to bits as my soul friend. You felt my distress all the way from the other side of the world on the hardest day of my life; the day I had planned to leave this world. Sitting on your porch, you channeled a prayer down from God to me that very morning, which kept me anchored here.
Kelvin, you are a blessing to me and this world. Ever since I watched your TV-show “Sensing Murder”, I have been a big fan of yours. From watching you on TV, I knew somehow from the first time I saw you, that you and I had a connection, and that we had something special to share in this lifetime. Since then, I have often read your prayer. It amazes me how this prayer happened to come to me that very morning. I will share that prayer with all of you later.
Hopefully, it will be able to help you as well, perhaps in the same way it helped me.
Table of Contents
Who is Lotte Bach?
Regarding my stalker
CB visits Denmark
CB comes back to Denmark to catch me
I planned suicide
Prayer from Kelvin
Contact with the American police
Narcissistic personality
Manipulation
Signs you are dating a manipulator
Facts about psychopaths
Here are a few typical traits of psychopathy
My relationship with Paul
Back to the facts about psychopaths
Here’s a summary of common everyday sociopaths
The difference between a psychopath and sociopaths
Empaths and Narcissist
Dallas, my beloved friend
My childhood with a father with bipolar disorder
My life today - Happy and free
Who is Lotte Bach?
Let me begin by introducing myself.
My name is Lotte Bach, and when I met my stalker, I was 38 years old. Now I am 47. I am Danish and have always lived in Denmark. I am a health care assistant, and I work night shifts at nursery homes. Furthermore, I am a clairvoyant/medium and a spiritual healer.
I have two wonderful kids. In 2012 I felt that my ex-husband and I had grown apart, and I found myself thinking about divorce. It was a very vulnerable time for me. I had always thought we would grow old together, since we had been together for 24 years, but instead, we grew apart. Besides the divorce, my life up until meeting my stalker had been relatively normal and quiet; I took care of my family, helped spiritual clients during the day and worked nights. The story I tell you here is my life over 5 hard years, where I had to deal with divorce, house selling and stalking from an American psychopath.
My story Is also my life with all that happened and with whom I met during that time.
Regarding my stalker
It was in the middle of October 2012, and I was out walking my dog in the forest close to my house. Throughout the past year, I had gone for many walks through the forest to cope with the sadness in my unhappy marriage. I always brought my phone with me on those walks, and on that specific day, I heard it beep with a message. It was a friend request from a good-looking American man. After checking out his profile, I noticed we had a friend in common, a famous American actor, and I confirmed the friend request. I received a message from him immediately thanking me for accepting his request, and thus began our story.
“CB” and I connected right away. Communication flowed easily, and we had this amazing energy between us. I was able to talk to him about my feelings, and when I was going through rough times, he was such a good listener. He was great at giving me sound advice, and he seemed so mature. It soon felt as though I had known him my whole life, even though we had only just met online. He seemed genuinely interested in my life and my daily routines, and he asked about my kids and how they were doing. He had a great sense of humor, and he laughed a lot, which I both loved and needed, since I was in an incredibly stressful period in my life. He was a fresh breath of air, and we talked every day. When I was losing hope and feeling down, he seemed to have all the right answers to my problems and knew just what say. I loved the way he complimented me and made me feel beautiful.
Being in that stressful time in my life, I was incredibly emotional and vulnerable, when we began our connection. I could tell him everything about my life with my husband and the past problems.
I met my ex-husband on my 16th birthday, and he was my first real boyfriend. This means, I had not experienced the wild life of so many other teenagers. I began feeling this need inside; this need to experience more, live more.
A need, which my ex-husband could not fulfill. I had this inner feeling, that I had missed out on something out there in the big, wild world.
I talked to CB about all that stuff, and he was very understanding of my situation. I had been on Facebook for several years at that point, and it had never crossed my mind that people could be using the platform to get in touch with women using fake accounts and fake profiles. It is not that I am naïve, but it had simply never crossed my mind. I felt lucky, as CB was very handsome and almost too good to be true.
His profile pictures on Facebook were gorgeous.
He looked to be sporty and living the real American dream life.
He was an avid surfer and drove fast cars. He told me he had traveled a lot and dated multiple women around the world. He was 38 years old just like me and had his own company selling goods. He showed me pictures of his house: a beautiful and expensive looking home. His Facebook account was very well made, filled with pictures of himself out surfing and pictures of him, when he was younger. Not once did I imagine he was making it all up.
After four months of chatting every single day on Facebook, I asked him if we could talk on Skype with cameras on, as I wanted to see him in person. He had mentioned just a few days before, that he had bought himself a new computer.
As far as I knew, all new computers came with cameras, but when I called him, he told me his camera did not work. We continued our call but only with voice, no video. I remember thinking his voice was rusty, and that he sounded so old - much older than his supposed age.
I had a bad feeling in my stomach and started wondering if he really was that man in the pictures. We spoke for about half an hour, and he sounded nervous, as though he was afraid that I had seen through his disguise.
After that phone call I went to work that night, but the weird feeling from earlier did not go away.
A colleague, Pia, whom I often worked night shifts with, happened to be familiar with American men, as she herself had lived in the United States. I decided to tell her about my new Facebook friend, and after taking one look at his profile, she said: “Lotte, I don’t think he’s the man, he says he is.”
I did not understand what she meant. She explained that she thought she had seen the man on the pictures before, and that he was a model or an actor, who had been in an ad for a perfume. Pia told me that she dated a police officer for six years, while she lived in the States, and that every citizen had the right to check other citizens’ names and addresses. She told me that all I had to do was to pay a small amount on a website to get more information on him. We talked about it again the following nights, and I explained to Pia that he knew everything about me and my thoughts on divorcing my then-husband. Pia’s comments assured me that I had to confront CB about his identity. When I came home a few mornings later, I wrote to him that I had a feeling he was not who he said he was, and that he had to send me a picture of his true self or I would block him. When I woke up that afternoon, I checked my inbox, and what I saw shocked me. In the picture he had sent me, he looked terrifying. The picture showed a shirtless, older man. Much older than 38. The picture was taken from below, and the angle made him look even more frightening. The anger was instantly all-consuming. I felt cheated, and I blocked him right away.
Later that day, he sent me an e-mail saying that he knew who I was and where I lived. He had found an ad on a website regarding my healing and clairvoyance work.
The ad had my real name and address. His email frightened me because I feared he would tell my husband about our friendship. I had kept my friendship with CB secret, and I had not yet told my husband that I was considering divorce. I felt guilty for flirting with CB, as I was still a married woman. I knew I had to think fast to be a few steps ahead, as CB was clever and not the type to give up if there was something he desired. I believed it was better to stay friends with him to make sure he did not tell my husband about our connection.
I imagined CB could make my life a living hell.
I answered his e-mail saying, okay, let us talk on Skype with camera, now that I have seen who you really are.
We did that a few days later and talked for two hours.
He made fun of the situation and told me, that if I had seen his real face from the start, I would have never fallen for him, and that he thought, I was such a beautiful woman who could get any man I desired, and that I would never want a man such as him.
I tried to see it from his point of view, and even though, I was extremely disappointed that he had a fake profile and that he had lied to me, I told myself, that I did fall for his soul and not his looks.
I already felt trapped in his web of lies and manipulation.
I knew I had to play his game now, because he knew too much about me, and that he would make my life a living hell if he felt that he lost me.
If I could turn back time and make a change, I would block him on Facebook, mail and phone and shut down my Facebook profile.
I realize now that sometimes things happen for a reason, and when I look back and reflect upon it all, I know deep in my heart, that God chose me to go through this challenge, as I needed to learn a few lessons, not only for myself, but also to be able to guide other people in my work as a clairvoyant and healer.
We continued our friendship and long conversations on Skype and messenger, and I grew to like him better and better. I did not know at that time, that he was a psychopath, but I knew he was not normal, and he could not be trusted. I remembered the mail he had send me when I blocked him on Facebook.
It was too weird and a little scary. I knew deep down he was a sick person to have made a fake profile on Facebook to meet women, and I felt this was disgusting behavior. I was trapped in his web now and I just had to go with the flow to see what would happen. It is sad to think about how he controlled me, and that I could not stop it at this time.
I do not know why I did not cut off all communication with him, since he had lied to me. I had every reason to block him and forget about it all, but the e-mail that he sent me gave me reason to let the contact remain open.
I guess I was afraid of him somehow. If you have tried yourself to be a victim of a narcissist, you know exactly how it is, and why you cannot just let them go. It is like they have a power over you.
Pia and I went on the computer one night to google him and to see what we could find out about him. We found out that he was a farmer like he had told me and that he lived in North Dakota. He had his own truck company service delivering hay from his own fields. Pia could not stop laughing, because she had heard and seen the pictures of him as a surfer and salesman who lived in a fancy house in Florida. She joked about me becoming a trucker and a farm girl in North Dakota in the middle of nowhere. We had a lot of fun that night googling his information.
CB visits Denmark
He asked me one day in January 2013, if I would like him to come and visit me in Denmark, and I was happy he would do that, as I could not afford to go to America.
We arranged it during the next month, and he arrived in April that year and stayed for four days. We met in a hotel in a small town close to my town. I was excited to meet with him since we had been talking now for six months.
I was still living with my husband, so I had to be careful, because I did not want us to be seen together, as I was not sure yet, if I wanted a divorce. I also felt it was a big decision to make. I knew a divorce would affect my kids majorly, and I did not want to hurt them.
Even though I felt as if CB often behaved like the devil, he had control and power over me, and I could not break free. Before he said he would come to Denmark, he asked me if I would visit him in USA but had neither the money nor the want to travel there, and today I am happy I did not, because I would not have been alive today had I done it. I had taken four nights off work to meet with CB, but towards my family, I pretended I was going to work at night. Instead, I met with CB at the hotel.
I told CB I had a colleague I trusted, and that she knew about us. I guess I told him this to let him know that there were people, who knew about our little affair, because I did not trust him.
It was stressful to live a double life, but this was my only choice until I felt sure about my situation and my future life.
I was nervous, while I was on my way there on the first night to meet with him. I was nervous that I would run into someone I knew or that someone would see me there and tell my husband.
It is really not my style to cheat, and I felt really bad about meeting with CB. It seems different when you just write as friends, not like cheating, but now I was going to meet him face to face. I felt as if I had already been unfaithful to my husband, even though in my heart I wanted to divorce him.
I arrived at the hotel. I knocked on the door and he opened and looked surprised. He asked me to stand still, as he wanted to take a picture of me, and I noticed that he was nervous and that his eyes had that special look. If you have ever met a psychopath, you will know that special look. It looks as if their eyes are empty. You cannot see love in them.
He took a picture of me and said, “Wow that’s my first live picture of you. You look amazing just standing there in the door.” He gave me a big hug, and I remember thinking he looked different in real life. He also smelled like a farm. He said, “I have to take one more picture of you, while you are standing there, Lotte.” He did so and said, “Wow, I haven't seen a woman as beautiful as you are before.” Later, he used that picture on Facebook to stalk me with. He uploaded the picture to his Facebook wall and wrote “blurred lines.” I imagine he never thought I would truly show up at the hotel, after all the lies he had told me.
It was so different to meet him and talk to him face to face after having spoken for six months online. He sure knew how to say the right words and how to charm me.
We talked all night. He understood how to make fun about how he had caught me even after lying about himself and making a fake profile. If I brought it up, he laughed at the whole situation and made it seem like no big deal. He was incredibly happy to meet me in real life and to be in Denmark to see my town. He hoped, I could show him my town in the daytime, but I did not think that was a good idea, because I was afraid of us being seen together. Also, I had to be at my house in the daytime to get some sleep and take care of my kids and daily stuff. I sensed he had imagined something else.
In those four days we only met at night at the hotel.
He drove around alone to see my town in the daytime.
He had rented a car at the airport, when he arrived, and he drove to my town, while I was asleep at my house. When I came back the second night to see him at the hotel, he showed me pictures that he had taken. He had been by my house to take pictures of it from my driveway. He showed me and said, “I have something to show you, Lotte.”
He then showed me a picture of my daughter’s horse.
He had been in the stable, which is close to my house and had photographed the horse. He also had taken a picture of my phone number on the wall in the stable.
When he showed me this, I got a bad feeling in my stomach that something was very wrong. He truly crossed the line, when he drove to my house to spy on me and to take pictures of my house and my daughter’s horse.
I asked him why he had been up there and taken those pictures.
He replied that he had just been driving around killing time, and that he wanted to see, where I lived and if it were a house he could afford to buy. He then showed me a picture of my husband’s car, his company and of the e-mail address and phone number my husband has on the wall at his company. I asked him, what he had been doing there? He said, he was just driving around the city, and that my husband’s company just showed up out of nowhere. I knew that was a lie, since the company is not easy to find, unless you know where it is. He must have been searching for it on the internet to find the way there.
I knew this was what he had done. I now had a bad feeling in my entire body, knowing that CB would use all this against me, along with everything I had told him during the past six months. He would use it to blackmail me if I did not go along with his game and did as he told me. It was as if he changed after that. Now he had me in his web, right where he wanted me, like a fly caught in a spider’s web.
I told him that I thought it was weird that he was sneaking around my city, taking all those pictures of my life: the house, my daughter’s horse and even my husband’s company including pictures from inside the building.
I knew, he would eventually contact my husband and tell him everything about us. Why else would he take pictures of his email address and phone number? When I confronted him, he denied and said he was not that kind of person, and I reminded him of his fake accounts on Facebook.
I had found out that he had had three accounts to start with.
Two accounts using his real name and one account calling himself James Cossette. He used the same profile pictures on the two accounts in his name and a good-looking younger guy on the third one. That was the Facebook account, where he had all his young friends.
I had noticed that he had many younger friends on that account.
They were teenagers and young people between 14 to 25 years old. I asked him, why he needed to have three accounts on Facebook, including one using a false name in which why he lied about his job and where he was living. In one account he claimed to be a businessman, and on the third account, he was a twenty-two-year-old surfer. In this account he used fake pictures of a young man from Florida.
In the other accounts he used his real profile picture, but in one he was living in one state and in the other in a different state, and he did not write his real age, which was 51 at that time and not 38 like he had told me at first. I was wondering why he continued with these fake accounts, when he knew, that I knew it was all fake information. He told me that I was the only woman in his life, he did not talk with anyone else and he only had feelings for me. I did not have to be jealous about anything.
I must admit that I was not happy anymore that he was here visiting me now, since I had found out that he had been driving around my hometown taking pictures. I told him, it really pissed me off, what he had done. He offered the same excuses but added that he just had to stop by my husband’s company to see if he came out, because he wanted to see what my husband looked like. He had parked the car and waited for a little while, and my husband had actually come out to fix a car and they had had eye contact.
My stomach was twisting and turning. Even though I had these bad feelings in my stomach and even though all the alarm bells in my head were ringing loudly, I still came to visit every night in those four days. I was upset now and very aware of his strange behavior.
My younger sister and my mom knew about him, so I wanted them to meet him the day before he left Denmark. My younger sister is a very talkative woman, but she was tongue-tied that evening, because CB was talking all the time. Both my sister and mom were shocked when we left. CB is not the shy type.
He talked about his farm in USA, where he lived with his mother and his cattle. I noticed that when he ate, he was very messy. He talked constantly and left food on the couch and on the floor. I was at a restaurant with him earlier that week to eat pizza, and half the pizza ended up on the floor. On top of everything, I was embarrassed to eat with him, because other people noticed the mess.
When we were at the pizza-restaurant the first time, we stayed late, and at ten o’clock that evening, the place turned into a disco. This place was where I first truly noticed his dark side.
He could change in a split-second.
It happened when two younger guys showed up at the bar, they were looking towards our table and talked about me, as if they liked what they saw. CB’s eyes turned very dark, and he told me, “I think those guys want to get in your pants.” He looked terribly angry.
When I went up to pay the bill, they just said hi to me in a nice way, and I said hi back. CB and I drove back to the hotel, and his mood had changed. I asked him, what was wrong, and he replied, that he did not appreciate me flirting with other men.
We started to argue. I said, “Come on Jesus Christ. I only said hi back, and they were definitely not flirting.” I could tell he was the jealous type and very controlling. I said, “You are here only for four days, and I don't think It is nice to have you here, if we have to argue half the time.”
We arrived back at the hotel and spent the night in the hotel room. We did not sleep at all that night and argued for a couple of hours regarding his behavior at the restaurant. After a while, the energies between us got better, and he told me about his life in America and about the state of North Dakota, where he lived. He told me he was living with his mom on the farm, which his parents had bought together. His dad has passed away some years earlier, and CB had taken over the farm. His mother took care of the daily chores around the house and made dinner for him, and he took care of the farm and the cattle.
He also had a truck service driving hay to other states in the US, all harvested from his own fields. I wondered how much he lied about everything, but I knew the part about his life as a farmer was true, because his clothes really smelled like cow, and it was not very charming. He told me, he had never been married and did not have any kids. He had only been in love once in high school and that was a long time ago. He was not the type to date, and he lived far away from town, about an hour’s drive. He only drove to town once a week to buy groceries. He talked all the time. Sometimes it was too much to bear to listen to him because he only talked about himself.
I knew CB had talked to another woman, Laura, from England before he met me. She was in her late twenties and had two kids. He told me that they had written together for half a year, and that he wanted to visit her in England. However, they had stopped talking, so he never made it there. That night he also told me that he had problems with his blood pressure. He had to take medication for the rest of his life, as his blood pressure was exceedingly high. He also told me that he was impotent because of the medication. He asked me if I was into kinky stuff and showed me his suitcase. He had brought handcuffs. I thought OMG, you come here to visit me for the first time, and you bring handcuffs for kinky sex?
Once again it told me that he was a pervert and controlling person. It’s not normal to bring that up the first time you meet a woman. I said no thanks, you can put those back in your suitcase, all the while wondering what else he had in there.
We met for those four nights at the hotel, and even though he showed his dark side, I pushed it away and liked him anyway. I was caught in his web. This is the greatest lesson I have learned concerning psychopaths. They catch you while you are vulnerable and they know how to manipulate you, capture you with their energy, and before you know it, you are a little fly in their web. They are the big spider playing with you and not letting you go.
The four days passed very quickly, and the last night we spend together was kind of sad, as he was leaving early the next morning to return to America. I said goodbye to him, and he gave me a farewell present. It was a necklace in silver with a dove to symbolize freedom for me.
I drove back to my home feeling some very mixed emotion. I was going to tell my husband that I wanted a divorce. I had to tell him now, after I had met CB. It was the worst day ever. It was difficult to tell him and see him so sad. It was even harder for us to sit down as a family and tell our kids. Our family would split up, and we had to live separately, when the house was sold. My husband and I agreed that we would live together in the house, until it was sold, for the sake of our kids. He wanted to paint the house making it easier to sell. We had spent nine years renovating the house. It was my dream house, and I had loved that house since I was ten years old. I had passed by it every day in my childhood when going to the stables and dreamt that someday this beautiful house would be mine.
It was hard emotionally for me to sell it. Now, however, I have learned the lesson that a house is nothing but four walls if you are not happy. My husband was in no hurry to paint the house and putting it on the market. I guess because he hoped, I would change my mind. He waited eight months before he painted the house and we put it up for sale. It was a challenging time for me and I believe my husband felt the same, while we lived together as a family knowing our marriage was over. We had spent 24 years together and none of us had tried other partners, since we met so young.
I believe it was something I needed in order find myself and inner peace. I was only 15 years old when I met him, and he was 20. I have always been very old-fashioned regarding love and marriage, and I wanted to find the one and only from the very beginning. When you are that young and you fall in love, you have not got a lot of life experience, and as the years passed by, a question arose in me: was there something out there, I had missed.
We had the perfect marriage and the perfect family.
The only thing bothering me, was our communication.
I am very talkative, and my husband was very quiet.
It was probably why I was so attracted to CB, because he was so easy to communicate with. I just did not realize at that time that this is what psychopaths do. They talk a lot and manipulate; It is how they charm you. He was giving me exactly what I had been missing in my marriage.
My dear friend, Kelvin Cruickshank, from New Zealand told me many times. God chose you to do this, Lotte.
You are a light worker, and you have helped the police catch and convict a pedophile making sure he can no longer hurt people. I will describe this conviction later on. Kelvin and I had been friends for some time. We only talk now and then about spiritual stuff, but we became very close during the five difficult years as we were talking and writing almost daily about everything in our lives.
The worst part was over as I had told my husband and kids about the divorce, and we put the house up for sale eight months later. I continued my conversations with CB on Facebook and Skype, and we still talked daily.
I found out that my husband had met another woman only two months after I told him that I wanted the divorce.
I had hoped he would find one quickly, because it would make the entire situation much easier for me, and everything could hopefully fall into place for the both of us. However, it still shocked me that he had moved on so easily. He was after all the unwilling part in our divorce.
I could not help but wonder if he had been quiet on purpose to make me tired of him and ask for a divorce. After pondering this for a while, I was quite certain this was the case. Why could he not say it to my face? I did not know how to react. We still lived together and slept in the same bed, and it was all really odd.
One day my son found out that his father had met a new woman, because he was playing a game on his father’s iPad.
The iPad was synchronized with his iPhone, and my son saw that his father was writing with this woman while at work. My son became terribly angry and called me over to show me the messages, and he started to cry. I had to comfort him telling him, “I understand this is difficult for you, but your dad is hurt, and he needs to move on.”
My son was so sad, I had to call my ex-husband and ask him to come home and talk to the kids. He did that right away, and we sat down as a family and talked it over.
I was very supporting regarding his new relationship.
I knew it was a complicated situation, but I was both happy for him and angry at him at the same time. I felt free to date CB, and yet I felt as if our marriage had not meant a damn thing to my ex.
I did not have a lot of experience regarding men, as my husband was almost my only relationship ever. However, there was an incident five years earlier, when I had also wanted a divorce and tried to sell the house. This was caused by me having met another man with whom I had a short affair. My husband and I ended up getting back together, even though he knew about the affair. When we decided to get back together, he asked me a lot of questions about the other guy. After that, he never mentioned it again. We tried hard after this, but never managed to learn to communicate properly.
Even though I knew my ex had met another woman, I still did not tell him that I had met this American man, because I was still afraid of CB and afraid that he would cause a lot of trouble in my life, if I ended our relationship. It was weird now living together with my ex, knowing that he had another woman, and I had my American man.
I wondered why it took him so long to get our house painted and ready to put up for sale, especially since he had found another woman. I could not understand why he dragged out everything. I felt it was somehow to provoke me, still we managed to live together and sleep in the same bed and eat together like a family and even have the same joint account.
Sometimes I cannot believe that five years have passed by me.
It is as if I have been in coma, and I just woke up and someone must tell me what happened. I have had this feeling of standing there on the sideline looking at my life as things just happened.
I have always had an exceptionally good memory, but now I feel as if there are many holes in my memory, and sometimes it is hard for me to recall what actually had happened during those five years.
