Manhattan to West Cork E-Book

Alice Carey

• Herausgeber: The Collins Press
• Kategorie: Sachliteratur, Reportagen, Biografien
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2016

Beschreibung

As a young girl Alice Carey came to realise that 'home' can mean different things. The only child of Irish immigrants to New York in search of a better life, her isolated and sometimes violent childhood was transformed when her mother started working as maid to legendary Broadway producer Jean Dalrymple. In Miss D.'s elegant Park Avenue town house, Alice was exposed to a life she had only seen in films. Her mother worked to save up enough money for them both to go 'home' to Ireland, travelling down below on ocean liners. Ireland in the 1960s was radically different from New York in every way, especially in its morality and attitudes to clerical abuse. Yet despite the darkness, many years later Alice and her husband fell in love with an abandoned Georgian farmhouse in west Cork. As they restored its stables, Alice began unearthing buried childhood memories played out in wildly divergent homes in New York City, Fire Island and Killarney. Manhattan to West Cork is the poignant tale of a young girl raised in a difficult environment juxtaposed with the story of a grown woman trying to make sense of her childhood. "A great read ... Alice started her first diary aged 10; this love of recording may explain her perceptive eye and ear and why the simplicity of her narration draws us in." – Irish Examiner

Leseprobe

Alice Carey started her first diary at the age of ten. Writing daily ever since, she has several plays, essays and articles to her credit. At the height of the AIDS epidemic, she volunteered for Gay Men’s Health Crisis – work that changed her life. She worked as a waitress, substitute teacher, actress and model. Now in her sixties, she made her film debut in 2016 in The Surf Report. Alice is a regular contributor to Huffington Post. She is a fashion commentator and model who features in fashion blog and books Advanced Style and upcoming Advanced Style – Older & Wiser. Even though she does not drive, she was a ‘face’ in a Lincoln Car advertising campaign.

I dedicate this book to two men: my husband, Geoffrey Knox, and my first friend in west Cork, Ronnie Payne, both of whom care deeply about my writing and me.

I also wish to pay tribute to departed west Cork friends: Vera Brain, antique dealer; Michael J. Carroll, Bantry Bookstore; Marie Donovan, taxi driver; Dennis Hill, Aga man; Sally Johnston, friend; Justin McCarthy, butcher; Malachy McCarthy, Mal’s Cabs; and Richard McKenzie, portrait painter.

They would be delighted to hear my tale.

Contents

1 A Tale of Two Houses

2 Miss D.’s Manse

3 Alice M’rie’s Gay Pal

4 The Cartouche

5 The West Room

6 Denis & Alice

7 A Priest & A Gala

8 Skellig Michael

9Mauretania

10 On the Farm

11 Oh, To Be In England!

12 Sadness & London

13 Summer’s End

14 ‘Penny Lane’

15 Queen of the Fields

16 Ringfort & City

17 Diana

18 Two Women Alike in Dignity

19 Burying the Animals

20 The Spirits

Long before Geoffrey and Alice restored the Big House, Alice was determined to start a garden. First they planted thirty white rose bushes called Rambling Rector. Here is Alice, about a year later, about to strew her first hundred King Alfred daffodils among them.

1

A Tale of Two Houses

I’m walking back up the lane after placing a Halloween pumpkin on the stone pillar by the road. It will probably be nicked like last year’s, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that it’s there now to light the way for cars on their way to the village.

Up ahead, around the bend by the willows, I can see the old house on the ridge. In the twilight it doesn’t look much different from when I first saw it abandoned and lonely. Yet, what a cavalcade of memory it stirs up in me.

Snapshots of me there, there and there, flutter through my mind like autumn leaves, as I join my hands together in silent applause that eighteen years later I’m still here.

It has gone dark. I approach alone. My husband has placed lit candles in every window. What a long way we both have come.

* * *

It’s a blow-winds-and-crack-your-cheeks night in west Cork. The wind is howling off the bay and bouncing off the chimney pots of Bantry House, where Geoffrey and I are the only guests. We have spent the day looking at derelict houses – the kind auctioneers are dying to get rid of – and are now sitting in front of a blazing fire. I’m sipping a double whiskey, hoping it will warm me up, and Geoffrey is nursing a pint.

Spread out on a Chinese lacquered table is a set of Polaroid photos of a nineteenth-century house we are thinking of buying. For it’s on a flight of fancy we came over to Cork from New York for a long winter weekend, hoping to fulfill a middle-age dream – buying and restoring a house in Ireland.

It is not blood or my mother’s Kerry roots that bring me back. Everyone that once mattered is now dead, including Mammie, as I called her, and Carey, as we both called my father. So I’m more than a bit conflicted when I recall that snowy winter a few years ago with Geoffrey and me on the couch in front of our Manhattan fireplace, thinking about the future.

‘So where,’ says he, apropos of nothing, ‘do you want to be at the end of the century?’

A loaded question considering all the terrible things we’d been through the past ten years. While AIDS relentlessly killed our closest friends one after another, I endured a mysterious, near-fatal illness that mimicked AIDS. I’d recovered; no one else had. So we hadn’t thought or spoken about the future, other than that we feared getting older.

On this particulary pretty snowy night, I wanted to keep it light and say ‘any old place with you’, but I didn’t. Instead I said, ‘I’d like to live some place other than New York City.’

As the truth tumbled out of my mouth, guilt washed over me at the thought of defection. New Yorkers never admit they’d like to live anywhere but New York. But then, Geoffrey said, ‘Me, too,’ and in a heartbeat we embraced our destiny.

That whole winter all we talked about were places. Places we visited when we were young. Places we saw in the movies. Places we drooled over in magazines. Places with songs written about them. Then we’d get silly, choose an appropriate CD and sing along.

‘Hate California, it’s cold and it’s damp.’ ‘We’re off on the road to Morocco.’ ‘I love Paris in the springtime.’ And when we got really revved up, we’d draw up lists of countries to see where we matched.

On the night we chose Ireland, Sinatra was singing.

‘The fire will dwindle into glowing ashes, for flame and love will never die.’

Like children writing up Christmas wish lists, our hands shielding our dreams from each other’s prying eyes, each of us wrote down Ireland, the first country we visited when we became lovers oh so long ago.

It’s now the 1990s, and here we are at Bantry House looking at a shivery set of snaps of a house we’re falling in love with. Compulsively, we keep shuffling them around like a deck of cards, hoping they will add clarity to why we want to do this. They don’t.

There I am, pointing with glee to a house I can barely see in the dark. There’s Geoffrey trying to free a woolly old ram from brambles. There’s a sickly calf with its head sticking out of a window in a derelict stable. There’s a crumbling fireplace big enough to roast a pig on a spit.

Each snap is grimmer than the next except for the last. The evening sun coming out for a second on a big house on a ridge that looked like the mythic Manderley.

Hours later, Geoffrey is fast asleep and I’m sitting at the window wide awake. The tolling of the clock on the Bantry House battlements ferries me to another island off the coast of Long Island. To a sandbar called Fire Island and a village called Cherry Grove, where for the last twenty years we spent nearly every weekend.

I can see our house shaded by giant pine trees so clearly: our little wooden house we had deserted this Thanksgiving weekend to come to Ireland in search of a stone one. We had come into a little money when both Geoffrey’s parents had died in the same year. And in true Irish fashion I wanted a house with land.

I had fallen in love with Cherry Grove long before meeting Geoffrey. I was on my own and a gay neighbour invited me out for the weekend. I had never seen anything like ‘the Grove’ in my life. Everything was movie beautiful. Everyone was happy. Being on a sandy barrier island way away from New York, there was a Never Never Land quality about the Grove. No cars. Few shops. No sidewalks, just wooden boardwalks. Reached by ferry. Everyone used a sturdy little red Radio Flyer wagon – a four-wheeled trolley with a long handle – to bring stuff to their house; and, of course, the Atlantic where I swam way beyond the breakers every day.

As the Bantry House bell continued to toll, I played my clock game. If it’s one in the morning here, it’s eight in the evening there. The screen door is open and Geoffrey and I are listening to the sound of the ocean breaking on shore. I can hear it clearly. But it’s competing with Mammie’s voice playing loudly in my head.

‘Alice M’rie, why have ye come back to Ireland if your heart is still back on that island? No matter what places you wrote down on that list, your heart is still there.’

I can see it, ‘The Magic Flute’, lonely, flowerless, wineless. If we dare buy this house, we’ll have to sell it.

She’s right, of course Mammie is, about my heart being in one place while my feet are in another. This is an island. That is an island. Why in God’s name am I thinking of moving from one island to another?

‘Geoffrey, you awake? I can’t sleep. I keep thinking of the house …’

‘Which house?’

‘Our house.’

Geoffrey gets up. I can’t see him, or he me.

‘I’m missing that part of us.’

‘What part? I’m here.’

‘Us at the house, us in the ocean. Once we leave it’ll all be gone. I miss us standing on the top deck, listening to train whistles on Long Island. What will we listen to here in Ireland, in the still of the night?’

Geoffrey puts his arms around me and we start dancing in place, like we often do to give each other comfort. An old song comes into my head and I start to sing quietly, ‘In the still of the night, when the world is in slumber …’

Geoffrey interrupts. ‘We’ll listen to the silence and hear new things.’ Just then we hear a foghorn on Bantry Bay.

‘See.’

* * *

By 5 a.m. the storm has broken. A pink winter dawn lights up the bay. It’s Bantry Fair Day (our town as we’re starting to call it). Wolfe Tone Square is packed with cars and people; and the two of us are walking around and laughing away so giddily about the idea of buying a house we barely saw in the dark, you would think we were getting it for free.

O’Brien Electric has Gay Byrne booming out to the Square. Seems Taoiseach Albert Reynolds’ government is being brought down by old allegations involving an uncensored paedophile priest and altar boys.

We have no idea who Gay is. Yet call-ins are eager to put in their two cents.

‘A man of God … you’d think he’d know better.’

Sure he would. I see my twelve-year-old self, walking down a Killarney street holding hands with Father Bob, my uncle the priest.

Quickly dashing that image into the bay, I focus on Bantry. It’s hopping. Geoffrey and I stroll about arm in arm up one street and down the other – streets with charming names like Marino and Old Barrack Road – deeming every chicken, every fish and every olive we see wonderful. Yet our actions, let alone our garb, single us out.

We gawk while everyone else ambles, trading bits of craic. Not that I knew what the word meant at the time. Women with pushchairs cluster in close little groups, sharing the latest news. And I think, how would we, a couple childless by choice, fit in?

A fresh wind has cleared away the clouds covering the surrounding hills to reveal Day-Glo green pastures, dotted with sheep. Keeping our ‘wows’ to a minimum we continue striding around. Butchers wearing straw hats and blue-striped aprons are laying out trays of lamb cutlets. Regulars stand outside Paddy Power hoping to get lucky. In the Bake House women gossip over ‘elevenses’, another word unfamiliar to me. And still Gay Byrne’s soothing voice echoes from shop to shop with listeners saying ‘’Tis sad, ’tis sad. A disgrace on the country.’ Yet, despite this disturbing news, I like Bantry.

After ‘elevenses’ ourselves, we drive back for another look at the house. We need a better look, a determining look, an is-it-worth-it-in-the-long-run-and-if-it-is-we’ll-bargain-you-down-look, aimed directly at the auctioneer handling the property.

Yesterday, since I’m the one with an Irish accent, I dealt with the bantam rooster behind his desk. When I said we wanted to restore an old house, he informed me that in Ireland an old house is called a Ruin. Then with a withering stare he reached for Binder 3 featuring unsellable properties, and sneering, he pushed it across the desk.

The cute hoor thought he had us pegged when we darkened the door and all he saw were dollar signs. I wanted to scream at him. ‘You fool! How can I put into words what I want when I know you’re laughing at us rich Americans? How dare you be the judge?

‘How can I tell you I want a house where the rocks were frosted with moss before Queen Maebh was buried on Knocknarea? A house built long before Joyce wrote one word. A house where walls breathe memories, and fields bear hoof marks of horses long gone.’ But I say nothing. Silently, he Xeroxes a page with a picture of a Ruin and tells us to drive towards Kilcrohane.

A herd of cows munching clumps of scraggly grass blocks the surprisingly twisty and deeply rutted path. So we sit in the car listening to Radio Kerry’s death notices, while gazing up at a house that has been uninhabited for over sixty years. From a book of place names we have just bought, we learn that the townland of Dromataniheen means ‘ridge of the little fox’. But who built that house and why was it abandoned?

Since cows always win, we leave the car where it is and walk past them up the hill. Without keys, we climb through a gaping hole, once a kitchen window, just like we had done the night before.

Thrilled to be standing on an earthen floor in what might become our house, we separate out. Geoffrey explores here and me there, just like we do in bookstores, antique malls and salvage yards. Yet even through three-foot-thick stonewalls I can hear his brain clicking away.

‘Boy, this is beautiful. No electricity. No plumbing. There’s so much to fix and to do it will take years! Look at these stone steps going up to a hayloft! Look at all this land/space/birds/sky/valleys/hills/rocks/mountains/water. This is where I want to spend the rest of my life.’

While I think: ‘An Aga here, a shabby-chic sofa there. William Morris wallpaper. Climbing roses over the door. And a cat … maybe.’

The house is stripped of its furniture. Yet the outlines of a huge dresser in the kitchen and a wardrobe in an upstairs bedroom remain on the walls, as well as a centre sliver of painted carpet on the stairs. Around the windows mildewed plaster drips green ooze.

The house was once wallpapered. So I go around carefully tearing strips of paper that once dressed every room: Blue and pink roses in the boudoir, red Chinoiserie in the box room, grey and red in the parlour. I count the fireplaces. If we clean out all the birds’ nests we might get good fires going in the … one, two, three, four of them.

The day is flying. Tomorrow morning’s New York flight looms. Do we make Bantam Rooster an offer? The house that we’re starting to call the Big House, with its stable, outbuildings and four acres is only £35,000. Only? It seems affordable. But is it practical? Our dream is a dream with consequence.

Night is falling fast as we walk the land, blinking into the twilight. At best it’s faded grandeur. At worst it is dereliction. A good distance away from the Big House is a stable and several tumbledown one-roomed stone dwellings clustered around a central courtyard. These are the real ruins.

The darkening evening, the mud, the piles of stones, the sickly calf tethered to a post, is overwhelming to the point of being stifling. Trying to make sense of it all, I call to mind the cover of The Great Hunger by Cecil Woodham-Smith, one of the few books we had in New York when I was a child. A book that remained by the telephone unopened and avoided.

Father Bob bought it for me. I can still hear him say – in that way he had of gesturing with his nicotine-stained fingers – that I ‘especially should know about it.’

It ! My mother and father never said Famine. If the subject came up at all, say in the Irish-American newspapers, ‘it’ was used; and Mammie didn’t even say that. She never let on a thing. Neither she nor Carey ever talked about the Famine. Yet they must have felt it in their bones. Their grandparents lived through it, their grandparents who spoke Irish. Then again, hadn’t Mammie married Carey to flee Ireland and settle in America? At least that’s what I thought. They didn’t talk about that either.

The resemblance of The Great Hunger’s cover to the spot where I was standing made me feel uncomfortable. Depicted in the Romantic style of nineteenth-century paintings was the image of a barefoot young woman with long black hair, wearing a green shawl, standing alone in the rubble of a one-roomed cottage by the side of the road. Galloping off is a troop of English soldiers who had knocked down her home. The woman is boldly clenching her fist up to heaven.

This cluster of cottages, this clachan of ruined dwellings is the Famine.

This is my bloodline.

It finally hits home.

Now I know why the Careys didn’t want anything to do with it.

Standing in the rubble of a ruined cottage my imagination goes wild. I’m bolted to the spot. Looking back up at the Big House I am transfixed by the proximity of poor to rich. Moss coating every rock and a few end-of-summer dog roses struggling to survive soften what I see before me. Everything looks beautiful there in the evening light and, at the same time, terrible.

My eye settles upon a small building that, to the romantic in me, resembles a monastic cell or a hermitage. It has a clean-cut rectangular opening so low I have to stoop to enter, and I do. I stand on the remains of a cobbled floor about three feet wide with a gable wall high enough to accom-modate a man well over seven feet tall. Maybe a monk once prayed here. I like that, though I’m sure it isn’t so.

On the western edge of the courtyard is a well with very cold water. Not like Snow White’s wishing well, but an enclosed spring that I figure must have provided water for the entire clachan of Dromataniheen.

Sadness pulsates the air. I can practically smell it. This is not neutral territory. I am trespassing on a part of Ireland’s bloody past, that is my bloody past. Regardless of our good intentions to buy this property and honour the past, I realise I am standing in a place of fierce conflict.

Looking up at the Big House, as Geoffrey and I started calling it, I picture the nineteenth-century Protestant family who lived there, gathering around the hearth on a cool winter night such as this, drinking tea and maybe playing cards. They’re warm from the fire and, I’m sure, content. While the Catholics living down here in the gully in this poor clachan haven’t a pot to piss in. The marked difference between the Big House and the ravaged huts scattered about make my imagination go wild. Who lived there? Were they related? Did any of them work for whoever lived up in the Big House? Figuring that its owners must have kept horses, Geoffrey and I pick the best of the ruined huts and call it the Stable. Whether it was or wasn’t, we’ll never know.

As dusk proceeds into evening, my thoughts turn to Mammie. How could they not? I imagine her as a chic young woman, with a 1930s bob, running from Killarney to New York to seek her future. Her dream had always been to own a house. Yet she and Carey had never been able to afford one. Maybe he didn’t even want one. I don’t know. They never talked about things like that for fear of ‘rising above their station’.

Now here I am, considering buying this Big House and the clachan, whilst already owning a house. I hope Mammie would be happy for me. I doubt it. She’d probably be jealous.

Night falls. Geoffrey and I must decide do we or don’t we make an offer to Bantam Rooster. Driving to Bantry House, my mind spins back to when I was a child in New York. When Mammie worked as a maid cleaning other people’s houses.

I have to tell the story again. The story of how Mammie became ‘Big Alice’ and I became ‘Little Alice’. Geoffrey has heard this far too much. Yet, I must tell it here in Ireland because my guilt at rising above my station continues to haunt me.