YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN THEM ... TAL VEZ LOS HAS VISTO... E-Book

Jorge H. Villegas Alzate

• Herausgeber: BookRix
• Kategorie: Sachliteratur, Reportagen, Biografien
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2016

Beschreibung

You might have seen them is an inspirational journey through the stories I have used in my EFL classes with comics, short films and animations available on the web.

Leseprobe

Jorge H. Villegas Alzate

YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN THEM ... TAL VEZ LOS HAS VISTO...

A Collection of Stories

BookRix GmbH & Co. KG80331 Munich

A Fight for a Fine Young Lady / Un reñido cortejo por una hermosa dama

A Fight for a Fine Young Lady

Ms. Fortune, a fine and gorgeous lady from the English court, was watching the beautiful garden in front of her great castle in London. She was waiting for a gentleman for the five o’clock tea, but, unfortunately she had made a mistake and she got two gentlemen appointed at the same time the same day: Sir Weatherby and the Marquis Dubois. They arrived at her castle almost exactly at the same time, honoring the code of British punctuality.  Sir Weatherby put his top hat disdainfully on the butler’s head as he approached Miss Fortune in a hurry, flattering her with nice words about her grace and beauty, but not hiding his greedy and lustful interests. On the other side, the Marquis Dubois, apparently angry, hit the poor butler with the flowers on his face.

Both pretenders seemed to have met before in a previous encounter and they called each other with insulting names: “Isn’t the Marquis of Man-strumpet?[i]” to which Dubois replied calling him Sir Dingleberry[ii], as he invited Ms Fortune to take a seat at the table next to him. She seemed to be charmed by Dubois’s French elegance, his fancy mustache and sideburns. After such advance, Sir Weatherby took the dish from the butler’s hands and approached the table in an attempt to serve her meal first. Both gentlemen started fighting in order to open it first. Sir Weatherby got to open it first, but without noticing it, he hit Ms. Fortune on her face with the silver lid, and kept arguing that the lady had invited him first for tea, so he was the one who deserved to spend the afternoon with her.

The Marquis Dubois struck back by arguing that he would spend the afternoon drinking coffee with Ms. Fortune after Sir Weatherby had left. Ms. Fortune was relieved as the two gentlemen placed the two hot jars on the table without hurting her. But the relief would not last long since they started to fight for the bottle of champagne, the Frenchrecipeforromance. With the struggle, the cork popped out and hit an enormous plant pot at the top of the castle, which fell down and hit the lady on her head. Their discussion focused then on how much they would know about love as they fought for a dish full of croissants and cupcakes and brought the doubtful memory of their mothers’ reputation to the discussion. Again, the poor lady got hit with the dish and fell backwards with her chair and all.

As Ms. Fortune got up from the ground with two cupcakes attached on her eyes and a croissant on her mouth, Sir Weatherby was trying to take off his glove, which ended up slapping her hardly on her face, throwing her back to the ground. They were so angry at each other that they had not noticed all the harm they had inflicted on Ms. Fortune.  Sir Weatherby hit the Marquis Dubois on his face with a soft slap of his glove.  His well-cared mustache got a bit twisted and angrily he got it again into position. In a misleading attitude of calmness, the Marquis Dubois suggested Sir Weatherby to settle down this issue in the field of honor, in a gentlemen’s duel.

Later, Ms. Fortune was back on her feet in her garden. The butler opened up a box for the duelists to take their own weapons and they turned around, running in opposite directions. Later, the ground started to shake as two giant steam-powered robots approached the garden.  A final defiant conversation took place before the two robots started to fight. Sir Weatherby got really angry at the Marquis Dubois, who said that his dog Fifi had smelled Sir Weatherby’s fear –in his pants. He said he would make them pay for that.  Lots of jabs, J-hooks, and hoopties came back and forth between the fighters, as the butler took care of his lady, protecting her with an umbrella from the debris falling from the robots. Insults came also back and forth as they destroyed the lady’s castle with the violent fight and fast knockback slides. Sir Weatherby’s robot was thrown violently at a high speed against the castle’s front. He was about to get up when the Marquis reached the wall and was over him ready for his final hit with the sharp spears going out of his mechanical fist, but the butler tolled his little bell: He was literally “saved by the bell” because it was 5:00 PM, time for a tea break, an almost religious tradition in the British courts.

For a few minutes, they had a gentlemen’s conversation with the lady. But the duel broke out again and they started to show their secret weapons. One of the fists from Dubois’s robot was suddenly shot to Sir Weatherby’s robot’s stomach, to which he answered back with a strong current that came from a set of cylinders with water, holding electric eels, and it went through the chain attached to Dubois’s fists, making him and Fifi shake with x-ray sparkles. The final encounter was about to happen: As angry as bulls, they ran to each other into a final crush.  The explosion could be seen from afar in the woods around the lady’s castle. Torn pieces of the robots fell all over the place, but they were not ready to surrender. Dubois ejected Fifi from its seat as a cannon ball, as Sir Weatherby opened the helmet in his robot to get rid of the eels that were attacking his groins. Fifi came from above and knocked him out with its helmet. Fifi finished him by peeing on his face and ran around the garden proudly. Both men crawled to meet and fight again, but they stopped when they saw Fifi humping one of the lady’s boots that had been crushed under a big piece of rock. They looked at each other in astonishment, and decided to get away with murder from the crime scene.

None of them got the lady’s love, which was finally for the butler who kept her safe from the careless fight between Sir Weatherby and the Marquis Dubois. The Lady and the butler preferred to be safe behind the bushes until everyone had gone, even Fifi, which stayed sniffing around the garden. They had a lot of work ahead. Cleaning up the mess that the gentlemen had left behind was not going to be an easy task. But the butler was surely willing to do it for his Lady.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AGentlemansDuel   

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXET1kvEOAY

[i] A male, Shakesperian person who is known for his sexual services, a prostitute.

[ii] Dingleberry refers to the remains of feces that attach to the hair growing in the perineal region. It eventually dries and stains the underwear.

Un reñido cortejo por una hermosa dama

Ms Fortune, una noble y hermosa dama de la corte inglesa, con prominentes atractivos, obvios a la vista de cualquier pretendiente,  observaba su bien cuidado jardín en frente de su amplio castillo de altas paredes, torreones y alcázares en las afueras de Londres. Todo estaba listo para el almuerzo en la terraza con vista a los jardines y su visitante estaba a punto de llegar. Infortunadamente, por un error suyo, dos caballeros fueron citados al mismo tiempo y el mismo día: Sir Weatherby y el Marqués Dubois. Honrando el protocolo de la puntualidad británica, llegaron casi simultáneamente a su cita en el castillo. Sir Weatherby, con un toque de desdén, puso su sombrero de copa sobre la cabeza del mayordomo y aceleró su paso a saludar a la dama de sus sueños, con florilegios que salían sin control de su boca, homenajeando su voluptuosa belleza, dejando ver un poco su ambición e intereses non-sanctos. En el lado opuesto de la terraza, también llegaba el Marqués Dubois, llevando en sus manos un ramo de flores con las cuales golpeó en la cara al mayordomo para acercarse en un tono amenazante a Sir Weatherby, quien estaba al lado de Ms Fortune.

Ambos pretendientes ya se conocían y se profirieron insultos el uno al otro usando nombres degradantes: “Pero miren a quién tenemos aquí, el Marqués “Trompetero”, a lo cual respondió Dubois llamando a su oponente “Pendejo[i]”, al tiempo que cortésmente movía la silla para que Ms Fortune se sentara a su lado. Ella parecía estar encantada por la elegancia del francés Dubois, sus largas patillas y el tradicional bigote cuidadosamente curvado hacia arriba. Ante tal avance, Sir Weatherby intentó tomar el plato que traía el mayordomo para acercarse a la mesa con el fin de complacer a Ms Fortune y servirle él mismo el primer entremés de la tarde. En la disputa por servir primero, los contendientes lucharon por tener el control del plato y Sir Weatherby logró asir la tapa, pero sin notarlo golpeó a Ms Fortune en el rostro, quien cayó de su asiento mientras él seguía discutiendo con el Marqués.  Él argumentaba que Ms Fortune lo había invitado a él primero y era él quien merecía pasar la velada del té con ella.

El Marqués Dubois contraatacó arguyendo que tendría una espléndida tarde disfrutando unas tazas de café con Ms Fortune, una vez sir Weatherby se retirara del castillo. Ms Fortune, un poco asustada al ver que ambos pretendientes sostenían en forma amenazante las jarras hirvientes con el agua para el té y el café, descansó al ver que las depositaban sobre la mesa sin herirla. Pero el descanso duró muy poco cuando comenzaron a discutir sobre el uso poco cortés de la champaña como excusa para aprovecharse de una dama y con el objetivo único de lograr una velada romántica. Durante la lucha por abrir la botella, el corcho salió disparado y fue a dar contra una enorme maceta en la parte superior del castillo. La maceta cayó golpeó a Ms Fortune directamente en la cabeza. Ellos ni siquiera lo notaron por lo acalorado de su conversación y por la discusión sobre quién era más experto en el campo del amor. En su pelea por un plato de croissants y pastelillos, la discusión se empeoró al mencionar aspectos no muy favorables acerca de sus respectivas madres y de nuevo la pobre dama terminó siendo golpeada y cayó de su asiento.

Ella se levantó cautelosamente, tratando de quitarse dos pastelillos de sus ojos y un croissant que resultó en su boca al ser golpeada con la bandeja en el rostro unos segundos antes. Su cautela no fue suficiente, pues en ese momento Sir Weatherby trataba de quitarse un guante que terminó por golpearla en su mejilla,  haciéndola caer de nuevo. Los dos pretendientes estaban tan iracundos que no habían notado todo el daño que le habían hecho a su dama. Sir Weatherby abofeteó al Marqués Dubois con el guante en el rostro despeinando su mostacho. Mientras el Marqués trataba de recomponerse, y con una actitud aparentemente calmada,  propuso zanjar sus diferencias por medio de un duelo de armas.

Ms Fortune fue con su mayordomo al bosque cercano al castillo donde los duelistas tomaron sus respectivas armas de un cofre. Se dieron la vuelta y corrieron en direcciones opuestas dentro del bosque. Poco tiempo después, el suelo comenzó a temblar a medida que dos robots gigantes movidos por maquinarias de vapor se acercaban al claro del bosque. Los contendientes sostuvieron una última conversación desafiante antes de manipular sus robots en una épica y encarnizada lucha cuerpo a cuerpo. Sir Weatherby no pudo contener su ira al escuchar al Marqués decir que su mascota Fifi, un perro caniche[ii], había olfateado su miedo en sus pantalones. Sir Weatherby dijo en forma amenazante que le haría pagar muy caro ese insulto. Muchos golpes iban y venían entre los luchadores, pero el fiel mayordomo siempre protegía a su dama de los escombros que caían, esquivándolos y desviándolos con su sombrilla. Los insultos también iban y venían a medida que los caballeros destruían el castillo con sus golpes y caídas. En uno de los giros y ataques, el Marqués estaba a punto de asestar un golpe mortal a  su oponente, pero la campana para el té sonó puntual a las cinco, siendo literalmente salvado por la campana: Era tiempo para tomar civilizada y religiosamente el té.

Por unos cuantos minutos sostuvieron una amable conversación con su pretendida Ms Fortune, pero el duelo retomó su carácter sangriento con armas secretas nuevas: El Marqués Dubois disparó uno de sus puños mecánicos contra el estómago del robot de Sir Weatherby, quien respondió activando una fuerte corriente eléctrica que provenía de un grupo de anguilas convenientemente almacenadas en la cabina de control en la cabeza de su robot. Las chispas salían de los cuerpos del Marqués y su perro Fifí como pequeños fuegos pirotécnicos. En el culmen de su encuentro, ambos contendientes corrieron el uno hacia el otro causando una explosión que pudo verse desde lejos a medida que un hongo de humo se elevaba hacia el cielo. Los restos retorcidos de los robots se desperdigaban por todo el lugar, mientras los contendientes no cejaban en su lucha. El marqués, en un último ataque, lanzó de su silla a Fifi y este aterrizó en la cabina de Sir Weatherby quien en ese momento se quitaba de encima las anguilas eléctricas que lo mordían y electrocutaban. Fifí noqueó con su casco de bronce a Sir Weatherby, y culminó su hazaña marcando su terreno con orina sobre el cuerpo inconsciente del guerrero vencido. Un poco más tarde, ambos luchadores recobraron un poco de su brío y se arrastraron por el jardín para seguir peleando, pero se detuvieron al ver a Fifi haciendo sus movimientos instintivos de apareamiento contra la bota de la dama que se encontraba aplastada debajo de un enorme trozo de una escultura destruida durante la pelea. Asombrados y temerosos de ser acusados de la muerte de su pretendida, decidieron retirarse de la dantesca escena sin obtener el amor y los favores de su dama.

Afortunadamente, ella estaba resguardada y segura tras unos arbustos bajo los cuidados de su fiel mayordomo. El mayordomo obtuvo finalmente el amoroso beneficio y los todos los favores de su querida dama a quien había servido lealmente por años. Su última acción antes de salir de su inolvidable refugio fue espantar a Fifi que estaba a punto de marcar su territorio en el arbusto que los resguardó de la cruenta batalla. Había mucho por hacer después del caos que habían dejado los dos pretendientes, pero seguramente eso no sería ningún problema para el siempre fiel y ahora feliz mayordomo.

[i] Pendejo es el equivalente al término inglés “Dingleberry” y se refiere al pelo que crece en la zona perineal, acumulando restos de las heces al hacer la deposición y manchando luego las prendas de ropa interior.

[ii] Caniche es el nombre que se le da en español a la raza “French Poodle”

The Strawberry Slayer Knight / El caballero verdugo de las fresas salvajes

 The Strawberry Slayer Knight

It was a spring afternoon in the woods and there were dandelion seeds flying everywhere around. Everything seemed placid as a green blow fly passed by looking for its 113th meal of the day. All dandelions were blossoming with flowers made of white and yellow petals and golden hearts full of sweet nectar. In the wild strawberry field the leaves were moving softly with the wind. An ant which was heading to its anthill got a little scared as it felt steps that made the ground shake. It was a warrior inside his shining armor, holding a shield in his right hand and a sword in the other hand. He was not an athletic warrior, as you could see from the round shape of the plackart, cuisses, and greaves in his armor. As he moved noisily among the strawberry plants, all insects and other small animals hid before he could see them. 

He was not wandering in the strawberry field; he was looking for something or someone. He finally saw his objective and moved slowly towards it. The noise of his armor hinges might spoil the hunt, but the knight did not seem to care about that: his victim was motionless in front of him. He raised his sword and attacked it without mercy. Everything around got stained with red as the drops fell from the air. Pieces of raw meat were also scattered around him. His job was done. He retreated and walked again in another direction.

Again, the knight could see from the helmet slit the courageous green blow fly standing on a ripe strawberry in front of his eyes. With its compound view, the blow fly analyzed each of the knight’s movements as it prepared its two wings to fly in the right direction to escape from its hunter. The knight raised his sword and ran to the blow fly’s position. It was time to fly.

The little knight discharged his sword against the ripe strawberry many times, making it bleed and shaking the plant to its roots. Another strawberry that was hanging higher got loose and fell on the knight. It was too late for its fellow bleeding strawberry, but this time the strawberry killer was trapped under its weight and he could not reach his sword to strike back. It was going to be a long struggle before the knight could get off his trap and his uncomfortable armor that needed the help of one or two servants to put on or put off.  The knight’s vision started to become blurred.

Anthony woke up with a swollen tummy. It was aching and he felt sick with nausea. He had been sleeping under the sun and had gotten sunburnt too. There were pieces of strawberries everywhere around him, except in the basket, where they should be intact. He was still wearing his plastic helmet, and the wooden sword and shield were by his side.  He was sleeping on a small blanket. His swollen stomach made his blue shorts slide down and his striped red and white shirt curl upwards. He still could not wake up totally. He seemed to be struggling with the giant strawberry on him and the tight armor as his mother kept on calling from the backyard: “Tony! Come home now, you scoundrel! I need the strawberries for the pie! Tony!!!”

A story based on the short animation “A Very Little Warrior”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fs5KOEuRHJc

El caballero verdugo de fresas salvajes